Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML
Today, I got told I was too fat and needed to stop eating, because I need to lose weight. I was then given a full plate of food and had to eat it all. FML
Today, I spent an hour photoshopping my face onto super skinny models as inspiration for a diet. FML
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
Today, I started a diet to lose the 20lbs I put on during quarantine. It was also the day my body decided the diminished food intake means I'm trying to starve it to death, and must be punished with a horrible migraine. That's what I get for trying to be healthier. FML
Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me an email that read, "How to lose 25lbs". I was eating a large slice of pie when I opened the email. FML
Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML
Today, I ate 30 chocolate pocket brownies, two caramel chocolates, two Budweisers. All of that while on my breaks at work. I'm a guy and I'm worried about getting diabetes while i'm actually craving more chocolate and sugar treats, my body is getting weaker, I'm getting dumber, fatter, and slower as we speak. FML
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Top comments
NomOnShroomz 14
Omnomnom don't fight it, brownies are amazing.
candicurl 9
Looks like that diet * puts on sunglasses* will have to weight. YEAAAAAHHHHHHH
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Comments (162)
ReynshineCutting 10
People are so funny thinking that losing weight is easy. Healthy eating and exercise don't work for everyone people!
evanedwards85 6
losing weight and gaining muscle is actually not that hard. all u need is a workout regiment and some dedication
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Too often the problem stems from people misunderstanding what "healthy" means.
mistersheezy 7
I guess you're not starting to lose weight til tomorrow, right?
ReynshineCutting 10
No, it's something I've battled my whole life. You can only do so much before genetics say **** you. In high school when I was playing 2 hours of sports 5-6 days a week and eating a healthy diet, I was still overweight. The only thing that's ever worked for me to lose weight is a program called Slimgenics which monitors every single bite that goes into your mouth. But again, that only worked to a certain point then my body wouldn't lose any more weight and I couldn't get below 175. My dad has the same problem, ad so does his mom. No matter what we do we can't get below a certain weight. I eat healthy now and have occasional junk and go to the gym a few times a week, but if I don't stick to 1300 calories a day I gain weight, and that's hard to do and maintain your sanity.
1dude1fml1 0
People these days have no self control. BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!!!! it's not that hard seriously.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Amount of self control is largely dependent on personality type and factors we can't really control.
Mourningstar 4
You don't need to look online, just look in your hand. Thats all you need to know.
vegan_muffin 5
Does it taste as good as being thin feels?
ReynshineCutting 10
Moreso :)
shrimp321 1
become one of those dancers in karnatika ;) i'm sure that will help you lose a whole lot of weight =]
gigi03 5
Theirs something called Running/Jogging you should try it sometime.
Daralea 21
Me thinks you're digging your own grave with that FML, OP.
lionlvr 9
YUM.
brianjman14 23
Get a treadmill. Or go out for a walk around every day.