Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML
Today, after several months of eating right, exercising, and weight loss, my mother has yet again arrived at my house, unannounced and with a very sugary cake. She's been doing this most weeks since I lost 50 pounds. FML
Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML
Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML
Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML
Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML
Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML
Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML
Today, I finally weighed myself after going on a strict diet of only fruits, vegetables, and coffee. I gained weight. FML
Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML
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Top comments
blonde_headed 10
eh, start after the candy's gone.
geordieboysgirl 0
How sweet, your mommy loves you.
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Comments (111)
blonde_headed 10
eh, start after the candy's gone.
todo350 0
lowfat candy?
marinus_fml 20
candy is for little kids. pretty sure you could give up the candy...
gagneana000 5
or she could give me the candy?
Timmo_fml 2
Or have some self control and don't eat it, fatteh!
rohosoccer08 1
that's what i'm thinking 1... the diet can wait! lol FAFP!!!!
angelk12 6
WILL POWER! :D ,,|,,
v1rulent 0
I would like some candy
Ms_Jessie22 8
Two words, Will Power :)
rohosoccer08 1
idk that I have will power hardly when it comes to candy, I love it too much!!!
We_Li_Ve_Fr_Ee 0
"Sabotage"... Bloat the target.
davidhasmorefun 0
don't eat it then! you get something and you can't keep from eating it? your fat for not having self control.
hooah33 0
diet + exercise = weight loss. doing both is much better. run 3 miles a day and you can sneak some candy into your plan. not that tough.
IchbinSyn 0
Save a few pieces as a reward after a long work out
kaityyrose 0
not just for little kids #8.... haha but you could just have like a piece or two then throw it away
thinmint 0
running 3 miles is hardly deserving of an overprocessed piece of candy...maybe after a whole week of working out hard you could have a cheat meal.
kaityyrose 0
I think after running three miles you would deserve one piece...?
Shokz992 0
Seriously, you're from the UK, yet you say "candy"?
mona_is_here 10
see this always happens to me too haha. well make your tummy happy with the help of those candies and start the diet afterwards, so that the seduction would be gone
twirliegirlie 0
did u even tell her yet?
Aceage 0
Today, my mother treated me to some candy, but I'm already fat so I don't want to accept her gift. FML
korn247 5
not an fml. no one told you you had to eat the candy.
Ouroboros_fml 0
Dear OP, Ever heard the phrase "If you want to look thinner, hang around people fatter than you"? use the candy on everyone around you, look insulted, and emotionally wounded if people refuse the candy. As they get larger, you'll look smaller, let me know how it works!
OceanProtection 0
Dude.. it's almost august. You're just now wanting to lose weight for summer??
AppleCoFreak 0
Wow your stupid
kellan1100 0
ha my mom did the same thing to me once
drinkinpints 0
show some restraint...give it to someone else.
wdcthree 0
I agree! Start your diet off in a positive way. It will give you a ego boost!
MamaC_fml 0
Give a little bit daily to some already hyperactive little kids, then chase them around a park, all with their parents' permissions. Its a win situation all around - the candy doesn't go to waste, you have an exercise program (you know those kids aren't going to let you skip "just this once"), parents get a break from their kids, kids get an opportunity to play instead of sitting in front of the boob tube. Just don't get a van and spraypaint "FREE CANDY" on it.
Ali_Br_fml 33
lolz @ 63!!! (~_~)/ creepy man: free candy!!! just come inside my van and get all the free candy you want... just don't tell your mommy or daddy & I'll take u somewhere fun... kid: Stranger Danger!!! *runs away* oh well, I guess you'll have 2 eat it... diet & exercise so u don't get fat, or so u can have some rock hard abs (no need 2 assume he's fat, I'm not & I like myself some candy!!! just don't overdo it.
cabbitt 0
Practice a little self-control and don't eat any.
spermdump 0
you should give it to a homeless shelter, lol jk you'd eat the hobos fattie.
perdix 31
Eat it all at one sitting, real fast. Most of it will just pass through you.
v1rulent 0
yea, and she'll regret it when she needs to shit out hard jawbreakers and hot tamales
perdix 31
Those Everlasting Gobstoppers can sure plug up the works pretty good!
blaaaaakely 0
Drive around and give it to some kids
ImaginaryFoe 1
Make sure you do it in a non-descript van with "Free Candy" written on the side.
piinkbunnii 1
Don't forget an undescribable disguise, and a happy kids tune right along with your all black, tinted windows vehicle!!!
imlagginglol 0
Check how much it's worth at a pawn shop
Anthony12_fml 0
u could eat it and exercise instead of dieting u lazy ****
kattylizbeth 19
Ever heard the phrase "diet AND exercise"? The only lazy f*** I see here is you, who is too darn lazy to do anything but troll. I also guarantee that you are fat, pimply, Pokèmon-obsessed, and live with your parents. So, grow up. You have a good day now, sir.
spermdump 0
@#13, bahah! can you say dodgy? XD
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Once again spermdump, you speak the truth! Although tbh, I bet prison food does wonders for the ol' waistline, and OP'll have plenty of time to work out and bulk up! >.<