Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML
Today, I got told I was too fat and needed to stop eating, because I need to lose weight. I was then given a full plate of food and had to eat it all. FML
Today, I spent an hour photoshopping my face onto super skinny models as inspiration for a diet. FML
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
Today, I started a diet to lose the 20lbs I put on during quarantine. It was also the day my body decided the diminished food intake means I'm trying to starve it to death, and must be punished with a horrible migraine. That's what I get for trying to be healthier. FML
Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me an email that read, "How to lose 25lbs". I was eating a large slice of pie when I opened the email. FML
Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML
Today, I ate 30 chocolate pocket brownies, two caramel chocolates, two Budweisers. All of that while on my breaks at work. I'm a guy and I'm worried about getting diabetes while i'm actually craving more chocolate and sugar treats, my body is getting weaker, I'm getting dumber, fatter, and slower as we speak. FML
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Top comments
NomOnShroomz 14
Omnomnom don't fight it, brownies are amazing.
candicurl 9
Looks like that diet * puts on sunglasses* will have to weight. YEAAAAAHHHHHHH
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Comments (162)
bcan 3
You can't lose weight while eating that way
urdirtyolduncle 15
Yes, Alan, really. *The more you know.
Keyman1212 14
Bitch be lyin'! Thanks for the heads up Alan, I was about to start that diet!
fthislyfe 22
It depends on the person. Genetics play a big role here. Also, the amount of fat cells each person has, depends on how he/she was fed when they were born and a few weeks after. Also, what their mothers ate when they were pregnant is very important. Thyroid gland is also very important. There are a lot of factors. Not just eating...
arielleemariee 0
No shit Sherlock.
Person1233 13
However, more often than not, your weight is controlled by how much fat you shove in your mouth.
MrHomerSimpson 11
Mmmmmm... brownies.
NomOnShroomz 14
Omnomnom don't fight it, brownies are amazing.
SemperFi_23 6
Weed brownies are even more amazing!! :D
alpaquette91 9
BROWNIE MONSTER!!!!!
YayorNay 8
Wow I thought the Marines were better than that...
TheWicked 4
Or maybe just need to stop being an ignorant **** and realize a little weed isn't so bad?
BellaBelle_fml 23
Was it a 'special' brownie?
NomOnShroomz 14
Are you in a 'special' class?
instnt1nfction 17
My mom keeps telling me that I am special.
SmokinWeed 0
I sure hope so
YayorNay 8
If you're special, whos Ed?
DjeePee 25
I think you will easily find ways to lose weight, even without the internet.
leadman1989 16
What she should do is stick the brownies on a stick and then have someone tie that to her forehead. Boom hit by a car after chasing the brownies into traffic.
fthislyfe 22
23: was that supposed to be funny? Should I laugh?
leadman1989 16
I make my comments for me. If you didn't like it guess I'll go and try to find a **** to give.
_Oblivion_ 12
oh boy looks like u waited a while to use that stupid "joke."
fthislyfe 22
74: Speak you mind, but please try and be respectful.
leadman1989 16
I never cursed you out. If you find cursing immoral or offensive in general you might be talking to the wrong guy.
woosah 16
I didn't laugh either 45. He's a moron..
i_love_grrr 0
Ha ha fatty! Just stop eating! :D
ShroomsOnAcid 17
You should be a nutritionist!!
instnt1nfction 17
Why don't you stop breathing, hipster
davexs 10
Lol i say the same if u want to be healthy dont look up on the internet just stop eating crap
Sunny_Eclipse 6
6- I hope your bloody comment is thumbed down so much that it is buried out of existence. You lack a soul.
Swanky_Panky 2
That's exactly what I was thinking
tylersign 11
65- Don't diss on us hipsters, douchebag.
techweed 12
That's your own fault, sorry
pancakechick 8
Shit, I don't blame you. I'd probably be a fatass too.
Kyzahhh 7
Lose weight after all the brownies are gone
nellienicole 1
"I'll start tomorrow"
lexi_8588 0
i like the way you think kind sir!
candicurl 9
Looks like that diet * puts on sunglasses* will have to weight. YEAAAAAHHHHHHH
leadman1989 16
Wait didn't you already have the sunglasses on from a previous comment? I'm starting to think there aren't any sunglasses at all YOU'RE A PHONY!!
xXT9Xx 0
Damnit candicurl!! You and your sunglasses piss me off!!!
iampetard 0
That was just perfect
candicurl 9
That's the wonderful thing about sunglasses! You can take them on and off :D
leadman1989 16
Really? *takes off sunglass I've had on for last 15yrs MY EYES!!! they burn... I think I'll just keep mine on. :p
sk1ml1fe 0
Try Oxy Elite Pro they work really well you won't have any hunger if u take them and curves your hunger majorly
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Or you can just eat less calorie dense and more filling foods. Then you can literally eat till you're about to throw up and won't gain a pound.
sk1ml1fe 0
Actaully u will gain a lbs if u do that.
shrdlu 28
Why stop at that point? Why not take it one step further, into bulemia?