Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML
Today, I got told I was too fat and needed to stop eating, because I need to lose weight. I was then given a full plate of food and had to eat it all. FML
Today, I spent an hour photoshopping my face onto super skinny models as inspiration for a diet. FML
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
Today, I started a diet to lose the 20lbs I put on during quarantine. It was also the day my body decided the diminished food intake means I'm trying to starve it to death, and must be punished with a horrible migraine. That's what I get for trying to be healthier. FML
Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me an email that read, "How to lose 25lbs". I was eating a large slice of pie when I opened the email. FML
Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML
Today, I ate 30 chocolate pocket brownies, two caramel chocolates, two Budweisers. All of that while on my breaks at work. I'm a guy and I'm worried about getting diabetes while i'm actually craving more chocolate and sugar treats, my body is getting weaker, I'm getting dumber, fatter, and slower as we speak. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
NomOnShroomz 14
Omnomnom don't fight it, brownies are amazing.
candicurl 9
Looks like that diet * puts on sunglasses* will have to weight. YEAAAAAHHHHHHH
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (162)
shrimp1234 4
You sir are a dick
seraphxchild 3
I think I've found your problem
jollyjolls 1
heres an extremely easy way to lose weight. i lost 45 lbs in 90 days without working out! http://jamesjolicoeur.bodybyvi.com
tc34 1
Wooooowwwwwwwww
B00mshakalaka 2
I lost 60 lbs so far just by running. :P
Mxpxdude189 0
You, my non-friend, are an idiot.
gnick424 3
Ur heads not that big rite?
sklorange 5
Small head?
wriptidez 0
celery?
megaaann_fml 9
You know, there is one foolproof way to get healthy. It's called EXERCISING AND EATING WELL. You should try it sometime.