Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML
Today, I got told I was too fat and needed to stop eating, because I need to lose weight. I was then given a full plate of food and had to eat it all. FML
Today, I spent an hour photoshopping my face onto super skinny models as inspiration for a diet. FML
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
Today, I started a diet to lose the 20lbs I put on during quarantine. It was also the day my body decided the diminished food intake means I'm trying to starve it to death, and must be punished with a horrible migraine. That's what I get for trying to be healthier. FML
Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me an email that read, "How to lose 25lbs". I was eating a large slice of pie when I opened the email. FML
Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML
Today, I ate 30 chocolate pocket brownies, two caramel chocolates, two Budweisers. All of that while on my breaks at work. I'm a guy and I'm worried about getting diabetes while i'm actually craving more chocolate and sugar treats, my body is getting weaker, I'm getting dumber, fatter, and slower as we speak. FML
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Top comments
NomOnShroomz 14
Omnomnom don't fight it, brownies are amazing.
candicurl 9
Looks like that diet * puts on sunglasses* will have to weight. YEAAAAAHHHHHHH
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Comments (162)
eurekaroy 6
Live Long and prosper the brownies.
EMTPirate 0
I want my, I want my fatty cakes. Cause they're good, to me. But I can't, do PT. It's the same sad song.
jerico616 14
Unless those brownies were laced with pot, why the Hell would you eat half a pan of them?
Playful1985 9
Go on a juicing fast. It's the healthiest way.
MissMaryContrary 3
No, not really.
jdrcme 0
here's a way you can lose weight, and still splurge on a brownie sometimes: look up the workout program insanity. now, bad news: losing weight and being healthy...you have to work at it. this program, you can workout 30 mins a day the first month and an hour the second. I lost a good amount of weight in just 3 weeks and actually ran a marathon without stopping. good luck!
leaf_pixie 2
Here's a tip - give me your brownie? :D?
MissMaryContrary 3
Diets don't work, my friend. It has to be a life-style change. You may find a diet that helps you lose weight but as soon as you're off it you gain it all back. Believe me, I know. I was on and off diets all through high school. When I graduated, I was nearly 200 lbs. Move more, eat less, eat healthier. Remember that treats are treats and not snacks. Have them sparingly. All I did was start walking more, drinking more water, and learned to stop eating when I was getting full. In about 7 months I lost over fifty pounds and went from a size 14 to a size 6. I didn't deny myself anything and still don't. I love the occasional brownie and/or cookie. I just don't over do it. If you want to be TONED then, yeah, get a workout routine. I'm still too lazy for that, myself. If you just want to lose the extra pounds, just learn how to live better.
FMLoverAgain 7
this is the best advice that you will ever get from anyone and any research! It's the ultimate truth from God and it should be the bible that you live by!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
All that advice about how to lose weight isn't really about how to just get thinner but how you should be living in the first place. People think you can just stop after you're done, but you are what you eat, and do. It all has to turn into a permanent habit. Once it turns into a habit, consider that weight already lost. (Unless of course other factors like thyroid function come into play.)
perdix 31
I'm glad you used the Internet to find that giant brownies aren't conducive with your desired body shape. Most people would use their common sense.
loserman67 36
Let me guess, you probably polish off a half-gallon of ice cream during the Bigget Loser. The only exercise you get is reaching for another helping. Pizza Hut has YOUR number on THEIR speed dial. You don't need to go on the internet to figure out how to lose weight. A: Eat less B: Exercise more It is really that simple. Instead of sitting in front of the computer get up and go take a walk - AND NOT TO THE FRIDGE!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
I see your point but it's not ALL that simple. The body is a complex machine that requires a precise balance of nutrition and activity to function at its best. Don't discourage education!
mea_iloveskiing 26
I hope you have a small head :)