Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML
Today, while I was on the bus to work, a morbidly obese man sat down next to me. When my stop came and I stood up to get off, he just looked at me, said with a smirk, "good luck with that," and went back to reading his paper. I missed my stop. FML
Today, I was on the subway, when the girl opposite me suddenly started shouting and accusing me of photographing her. I was reading a book on my phone, and I showed her the screen, but I got shoved around anyway by another guy, who threatened to report me for being a pervert. FML
Today, I was reading a newspaper at a bus stop when a creepy guy rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I miss the good old days, when people would read newspapers together and it wasn't classed as weird." He then walked off. FML
Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML
Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML
Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML
Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML
Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML
Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML
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Top comments
krundale 6
Poor guy didn't even get to finish reading.
christian1509 21
Leaving before your stop is kind of overdramatic. Couldn't you just have given him the newspaper or something?
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Comments (118)
meepmerp 20
Better that then get beat up
NWO666 15
Than*
meepmerp 20
#15 yeah... That'd make more sense
Flowtastic 16
34 cool story bro tell it again
oddities 20
#35, please, please, please let that whole "cool story, bro" thing just die. Or take it to a site with lower expectations.
Flowtastic 16
You mean like expectations of replies to a post that follow a thread rather than telling your own fml on an fml? ;-)
joseph19921992 10
Fmlception. Would be the proper term guys
Yeshua_fml 19
All I can get from the FML is that the dude wanted to share the newspaper. Why is this an FML?
jonfrenzy 10
You somehow confused me
xXKitty_01085 7
"#35 Cool story bro tell it again " :D Story time :D Once upon a time, #34's friend alerted #34 of an intimidating thug type guy approaching. The guy walked up to #34 faster and said "you're talking about me"? #34's friend yelled "HELL NO!" Then they both hopped off the train before they got stabbed, and they lived happily ever after. The end
Flowtastic 16
105 - riveting tale Ol' Chap!
nota90skid 11
Um......you're creepy bye!!!
oddities 20
How is OP creepy? Or do you mean that OP should've said that? That wouldn't have been a very smart move, by the way, if the man turned out to be violent, OP could've gotten seriously hurt.
krundale 6
Poor guy didn't even get to finish reading.
zandalee 20
I would have just handed over the paper with a smile. Perfect opportunity to do a good turn there OP, squandered.
SunTzu2 9
Yeah, cool move
RedPillSucks 33
Turning the other cheek could get something inserted.
nadene52 12
Actually he did OP left the newspaper
Alexis2742 31
But he put the paper down..
BrickTamlandLamp 13
Yeah... OP put the paper down to get away from the man reading his newspaper. Might want to re-read that FML
Alexis2742 31
I meant to respond to #3, OP put the newspaper down - the other guy could have finished the newspaper
shaww 28
Plot twist: the guy was on the phone
jerryj 27
Wait...did you just come up with a plot twist that makes the story LESS exciting?
Fuaaad1994 31
No reception underground, epic fail
doodlecloud 27
Plot twist: Not all of the underground is actually underground.
Fuaaad1994 31
That's called overground
TheAbstract 15
Just regular ground..?
Puffytruffles 18
Lost my boner
RedPillSucks 33
what!?
shine999 12
Duh! Read it properly. He was at London underground & there is no phone network down there!
scuccria 12
Plot Twist: He was actually talking about his ******.
oddities 20
Oh, my Jewish God. That sounds like a good time to run like hell. Were you at least close to your destination?
airforce987 20
You realize the Jewish god is the same god as the Christians and Muslims right?
oddities 20
You realize that I say "Jewish God" instead of just "God" because I used to get harassed with questions about why I say things like "Oh, my God" but never "Jesus Christ" and got sick of constantly clarifying that I'm Jewish and therefor do not accept Jesus as the messiah, right? I'm not even kidding, if you're wondering.
oddities 20
Let me clarify something for the people down voting me: I say "Jewish God" instead of just "God" because, when I moved to California, my new friends started harassing me with questions about why I said things like "Oh, my God" but never "Jesus Christ" when in shock, pain, etc. and constantly having to explain that I'm Jewish to them was a pain. It's a force of habit now, no need to be offended by it seeing as it isn't harming anyone. For the people who are down voting me because they don't think OP should've run and disagree with me condoning that: one of my best friends got mugged in a similar situation when we were 11 so I'm wary of such situations nowadays. And, finally, for the people down voting me because they think I'm an idiot for asking if OP was at least close to his destination: he never specified how far out the stop was from his destination. It could've been a stop before or in a different city, it isn't specified in the FML. That should cover everything, hopefully we have an understanding now.
Enslaved 38
Sorry to say #19 but it's not. The foundation of their beliefs system might be the same "god" but you're missing a few canons/scriptures added to the confusion! "Imagine there's no heaven It's easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky . . .and the world will live as one"
christian1509 21
Leaving before your stop is kind of overdramatic. Couldn't you just have given him the newspaper or something?
Sunflower1919 19
The tube comes along every 5 minutes so I'm sure they were more than able to get back on and continue their journey.
blaherman 12
why not just share the paper like we used to do.
DanielleinDC 34
Or slipped into another car at the next stop. Goodness knows I've done that on Metro when there was something I didn't like on the car I was riding (lack of a/c, really nasty chemical smell, whatever). Or find a seat next to someone smaller than the inconsiderate schmuck sitting next to you.
IllestRated 17
Smart move man.
Nimmrodel 11
Should of just started reading aloud he would of appreciated it and so would everyone else.
youresoscrewed 24
Sorry, have to say it: should have*
ocramavaf 15
would have, if we're gonna go for it all
Nimmrodel 11
Sorry typed it while walking to work didn't check my grammar just posted. I feel terrible.
AllStache 11
Well I would have ran too
domolovesyoshi 33
I don't see why, you're a cute little kitten, people love kittens.