Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and say,s "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML
Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML
Today, on the train, a man kept grabbing my crotch. When I told him to stop, I got yelled at for harassing an elderly man. FML
Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML
Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML
Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML
Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML
Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML
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Top comments
Crash92 0
YDI it for not checking, especially in a public place. Bahaha
ilovecowboys 0
Seriously.. a hot woman is not going to grab your ass on the train okay.
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Comments (100)
mrs_sean_flanery 0
lol! what a pervert!
porp1 4
well, ydi for sitting in a triple seater in a nyc subway the 3 seats r the worst, you should of stood, gotten in in a window seat, or if unavailable, sat in a different train (like the first or last (those are usually the least crowded)
gonzolove 0
I highly doubt someone could grab someone's ass if they were sitting.
ilovecowboys 0
Seriously.. a hot woman is not going to grab your ass on the train okay.
Justforlolz 14
That's what happens when you try to get off with a random person. Sad
sskarma23 9
So you wouldn't even say anything to a girl who felt you up or even look back? Ydi
Crash92 0
YDI it for not checking, especially in a public place. Bahaha
ireply_w_lyrics 0
"...I see you winding and grinding up on that pole, I know you see me lookin' at you and you already know I wanna **** you, you already know I wanna **** you, you already know..."
indiana_gal 0
lol?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? nice song pic
ilikeu12 0
i reply w lyrics would u please top replying ur so annoying
Mikey_Mayhem 0
agreed, its a stupid gimic, not at all funny and it just makes you look like a retard
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Actually, to state a well known fact, it is quite funny. Science shows that people with a sense of humour laugh 57.38% more after reading my comments. And, I never thought of it as a gimmick, but simply as a way to stand out, while remaining hilarious
gonzolove 0
To #27 and 38, he replies all of the time with lyrics. It's the internet, people can post whatever they want, including your dumb asses. If you don't like it, skip over it.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Thank ya Gonzolove! PS does the Gonzo have a deap meaning (you know, almost as deep as mine, as it is as deep as one can be) or is it there because it sounds cool? and NGL, it does sound nifty jus curious
gonzolove 0
It's my tribute to Hunter S. Thompson, who was essentially the founder of gonzo journalism.
gonzolove 0
PS: You're welcome. It really irritates me when people act like that. You're not hurting anyone. So they can just stfu.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
haha, not quite sure what that is. well, judging by the Journalism part, im assuming it has something to do with writing :P
gonzolove 0
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gonzo_journalism Check it out! It's pretty awesome.
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Sounds pre nifty, but i wish there was more to read bout it. I'll look it up elsewhere later :)
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Hi mercy :) *bear hug* hmmm... If you are in love with Gonzolove, does that make you Lez or Bi? :S
gonzolove 0
To ireply_w_lyrics: Just read some of Hunter's books. For example there's the ever-famous Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. There's also Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72 and The Curse of Lono. He wrote a ton of books and some short stories and a bunch of articles, but I'm not gonna list them all here. To mercyFML: Yay, I'm not a poser! =]
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Mmk deal
gonzolove 0
Well mercyFML, I don't know of many (or any in fact) girls that know and love Hunter S. Thompson. So I think I might be in love with you too.
gonzolove 0
And then, if I get too old to do what I want, I'll call you on the phone and blow my head off. =P
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Hmm... seeing as i am as dense as i am, i did not quite pick up on this at first, but im just taking a swing in the dark here that you girls are talking about meester thompson
gonzolove 0
Agreed. Being 67 and having a broken leg and being who he was, I don't blame him. However, I think we should take Mescalin and go swimmng. And then play shotgun golf in his honor. I'll bring the shotgun, you bring the golfballs.
gonzolove 0
Dr. Thompson to you! =]
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Hmmm... i have no lyrics for what i said, and for the suicide, i only have 1 song, but its a breakup reason for suicide (whiskey lullaby) however, praising him, i have "...What if he's an angel sent here from heaven And he's making certain that you're doing your best To take the time to help one another Brother are you going to pass that test You can go on with your day to day Trying to forget what you saw in his face Knowing deep down it could have been his saving grace What if he's an angel.." Sorry i didnt have too much!
gonzolove 0
The golf and the being drugged are separate occasions. And as for ireply, I agree with mercyFML: don't apologize, do your thing!
ireply_w_lyrics 0
*gets confidence boost*
Veni_13 0
You're awesome, ireply, keep doin' whatchu doin' and don't pay attention to the haters. You're original and I enjoy reading your lyric-replies. They're just jealous. =D
Veni_13 0
Gonzolone: Checked out the creator of Gonzo Journalism's wikipedia article...and I can't decide what to think of him, and ultimately his work - accept it for its originality and uniqueness, or reject it for its psychadelic influences and the author's obvious mental disturbances. Interesting anyway. Reminds of Johnny Depp in Secret Garden, an awesome movie. Ho hum...this was so pointless. But, thanks for introducing this literary concept, it's truly interesting!
gonzolove 0
I definitely will. Did you know that Johnny Depp lived with Hunter S. for awhile before he filmed Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Every role that Johnny Depp has played since then has a hint of Hunter S. in it. Or that's my opinion anyway.
0___0 9
#39's post made me laugh.. but not the lyrics he posted before lol
2FreeHugs 5
Shut the **** up.
DrAwesome 6
So discovering it was an old man ruined the moment? Hey, man, a hand's a hand in my book. ;)
pariah411 0
"After a few stops.." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
himiranda 4
you said you were packed in close, it was probably an accident:)
Paula844 7
Who knew that playing grab-ass on public transportation was the way to score dates?
Wankster 0
haha you should of turned around anyways. YDI
itsnotfair 0
he said 'on a busy train' he didn't say 'i purposefully packed myself in close', just that he packed himself close. The woman just happened to be good loooking and he looked away because he was shy. he never said anything about packing himself in close BECAUSE she was good looking
Ryuu66 7
Maybe it was crowded #4? And he did say it was a busy train. So Im assuming it was a crowded train and he wanted to sit down. There was probably a small space to which he could sit in. It doesnt mean this old man has to feel him up
allmidnighteyes 11
Easy now, fuzzy little man peach. Hmmmm, you ever drunk Bailey's from a shoe?
Dogman332 0
lol mighty boosh ftw
gonzolove 0
Greg, I don't wanna hang out in your underwater cave and drink Bailey's. So calm yourself now =]
allmidnighteyes 11
What about the boat times? :]
gonzolove 0
Wanna come to a club where people wee on each other?
allmidnighteyes 11
I know what you're thinking: Here comes Old Gregg, he's a scaly man-fish. You don't know me, you don't know what I got!
gonzolove 0
Downstairs mix-up.