Today, while I was on the bus to work, a morbidly obese man sat down next to me. When my stop came and I stood up to get off, he just looked at me, said with a smirk, "good luck with that," and went back to reading his paper. I missed my stop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML
Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML
Today, a total stranger on the bus called me hideous and threw a soda in my face. I only asked him if the seat next to him was taken. FML
Today, while on the bus, I found out the seat I'd taken was the preferred spot of a very hostile and extremely overweight freshman. Instead of letting me find different place to sit, she half sat on me, and completely ignored my attempts to dislodge myself all the way to school. FML
Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML
Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML
Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML
Today, I got on a bus that was so overcrowded I had to stand next to the driver with nothing to hang on to. A drunk man got on and for the rest of the half hour journey continuously fell on me. When I got off, he smiled and told me as the doors were closing, "The last twelve times was for fun." FML
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Top comments
Maddidaddi 0
I would have hit him.
footballfreak65 6
You should have yelled " oh look they are giving free hotdogs outside"
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Comments (226)
Maddidaddi 0
I would have hit him.
Cad6 24
Your punch would've probably bounced off of him.
Dinderdon 20
or his gut would have absorbed your fist
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Or your hit would be a tickle to him.
jizzwold 21
Why not just climb over him while making sure to step on something that hurts?
imsosleepy 9
nah, dont worry about hitting him he will die of a heart attack someday anyways
ChrisTheCalm 9
Ok, we get it. But let's face it, you're fat too. Aren't you? Aren't you??? I have twinkies, and if you admit it... GOTCHA!!
LaughinStock 16
WAIT A MINUTE!!! Op don't listen to them he could have ate your ass. :D
RaggleFrock 13
Damn straight, the op could have fell down his man cleavage never to be found again!
ilikeboys31 7
a wild snorlax has appeared! snorlax used "being a douche bag" super effective!
tjv3 10
YDI for just letting him get away with it
KeyboardWarrior 10
You should have trolled him for the rest of the day by following him around and playing the tuba.
magic103 2
Pokemon ftw
NotYourOrdinary7 6
No, no. Hitting is not necessary. It would only result in OP potentially losing their limb within the man's fat. The solution to this problem is a Twinkie. -pulls Twinkie out- "What's that? What's that? Yes! It's a Twinkie! Go fetch the Twinkie boy!" Throw Twinkie, fat guy dives after it and everyone is happy.
TheStoryOfWazza 9
Hits wouldn't hurt him, you should have farted in his mouth.
nniikkaayy 4
rofl! love this.
Siant 4
You probably would of lost your hand
johnnyrogers97 9
He probably couldn't get up (;
benhd1 14
Why? Just take out a vegetable or something healthy. Healthy food is like Kryptonite to fatties.
touchesthelight 8
I usually carry a pen or pencil in my pants pocket. I would have stabbed him in the kneecap, smirked and said, "Good luck with that." :P
Shiden 3
WOW, I was gonna write the same thing. Guess that's what they say about great minds...
niall92 6
or you could just use words. make him look like a disrespectful ass in front of everyone. it's better than hitting. leaves more of an impression.
hsRoseTyler5 14
If you could find his kneecap...
jojocircus19 16
Eaten
iMuffinKat 16
Just use his belly as a stepping stool and climb over that mountain.
flagg1888 3
He just gave all morbidly obese people a bad name!
5HT2A 5
Or snorlax?
Rectumended 3
Throw a doughnut down the isle and watch him run
Cad6 24
#51 - I have no faith in his capacity to run. But I'm sure it would be amusing to watch the fool try.
DrDilllonReese 12
2- actually I think it was the morbid obesity that gave morbidly obese people the bad name.
Rectumended 3
#54.. I agree..I think a better term is waddle anyway
ScaughtieHolden 11
71, I believe you mean roll. Haha.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Run? Waddle maybe more realistic lol
CookieGirl4ever 13
...I know this just gonna get thumbed down anyways... :( ...but sorry for my last comment... guess it was funnier in my head...
footballfreak65 6
You should have yelled " oh look they are giving free hotdogs outside"
Redoxx_fml 22
Should've smirked and said "Getting laid, good luck with that"
jjake20140 2
I was thinking more along the lines of doughnut on a fishing rod but that would work too.
CookieGirl4ever 13
...I probably would've thrown skittles at him and yelled "taste the rainbow"...
downtime 13
Just take a lesson from the dance floor idiot and piss on him. I bet he moves pretty fast then.
123person 8
Don't you think he already did? (couldn't help myself)
123person 8
Referring to cookiegirl4ever's comment
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Should have just climbed over the mountain!!
benhd1 14
I did that several times at school. I threw skittles at provocatively dressed individuals and yelled "TASTE THE RAINBOW *****!!!" EVERYONE laughed even their friends in their clique right next to them.
rocker_chick105 31
Tell him good luck with his diabetes...
Cad6 24
Just because he is obese doesn't necessarily mean he has diabetes. Diabetes is a sugar-induced condition. But either way, he's unhealthy.
coried91 28
Diabetes isn't always sugar induced. I have it and I'm in shape.
cradle6 13
Morbidly Obese people usually don't avoid sugar.
melibear89 7
I'm under 100 pounds and I have type 2 diabetes. My diabetes was triggered from being very sick and because I carried the gene for it I developed it. Type 2 diabetes can go away if the person loses the weight and controls their diet.
rattusrattus 19
I love the way #19 is spouting crap like he know what diabetes is. I'm going to smack that lackwit with my underfunctioning pancreas.
heatherleeann17 0
Type two definitely isn't cause by weight, it plays a factor. It all had to do with your pancreas and whether or not it secrets enough insulin for your body.
Cad6 24
@82: If a 6 year old kid deems it comedic to call me a lackwit, so be it. I just find it amusing that lackwit isn't even a word, and that I'm being insulted by a fool whose username is a combination of the words rat and ass, stated twice.
smileypoop 2
86: You would know...
CockAsian 14
I agree with 25. I have diabetes too and I'm in shape. Diabetes is a failure of the body to produce insulin or the bodies failure to receive the insulin from you pancreas.
DocBastard 40
Cad6 - it's biology time. Rattus rattus is the genus and species of the black rat. I'm assuming that's where the username came from. And type II diabetes is due to insulin resistance, not an underproduction of insulin.
rattusrattus 19
Also, 'lackwit' is a word. It is a somewhat old-fashioned way of calling someone an idiot. Which is appropriate for someone who cannot tell the difference between 'r-a-t-t-u-s' and 'r-a-t a-s-s'. More t's, less s's, and you forgot a u. And the reason I said 'underfunctioning pancreas' is that I am type 1. Production of insulin is one of the main purposes of the pancreas, although not the only one.
Llama_Face89 34
Cad6, I have yet to see you make a decent point on this website...
woosah 16
96: completely uncalled for.....
coried91 28
If you don't have the condition you don't know what it's like. Plain and simple. Just knowing someone that has it is not the same. It can be triggered from being over weight, genetics, a ****** up pancreas, and a few other factors. Keep your mouth shut if you're just going to sound like a fool. If you're a doctor that's one thing, if not hush.
heatherleeann17 0
di·a·be·tes (d-bts, -tz) n. Any of several metabolic disorders marked by excessive discharge of urine and persistent thirst, especially one of the two types of diabetes mellitus.
xtina8925 1
Why is this getting down voted
buck1131 12
So you have type 1 diabetes
Jf770 10
That made my laugh. Should've said "Good luck with that" when he goes to squeeze out of the bus.
siberianhamster 17
And yet he somehow managed to get on the bus?
Something0_o 5
You should of brought a cookie to throw. I bet he would of followed it.
Mopmob02 18
A cookie is good but a twinkie is better. Throw one of those and he would have fought to catch it.
ladydarkrose 5
Lmfao...would pay to see that. ????
strawberrywine22 30
Fyl op...that sucks. Maybe you should have goren the bus drivers attention? Or maybe climbed over the seat in front of you...
Nightwing98 22
Or stepped on his huge gut, kicked him in the face on the way and said "Good luck with that"
sillycart 9
You can so tell your picture is photoshopped...
CockAsian 14
Arghhh! My eyes!!
dav3800 7
mhm
looloothing 9
I just would have climbed right over him.
The_Hitdude 12
Dang, what a douche. You should've said "Good luck squeezing yourself out of your seat, asshole."
Raccoo 10
Ahaha, that would've been a great response. x3
dguyuwishuwer 5
I would have taken his paper once i finally got free and would have left with it or tore it up in his face.... maybe then he might have had some incentive to stand up.
RoseCrystal 17
What a load....you should have replied, "good luck finding your d*ck. I bet no one has seen in decades."
wittygirl 8
Uhh no one wants to see it to begin with lol