Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
Today, my mother had "The talk" with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML
Today, I overheard my parents talking about me and discussing how I've never had a boyfriend. My mum laughed that maybe they should pay someone to go out with me, and my dad replied, "Heh, not enough money in the world." FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I left the house to get groceries. My parents asked me where I was going and how long I would be gone for. Thinking they were just being inquisitive parents, I ignored them. I got home 20 minutes later to them having sex. FML
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Top comments
Jaucet 0
Well at least your parents are funny!
mitch707 0
Atleast your Mum has faith in you.
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Comments (117)
Jejejessi40 0
Me too... It's okay. My parents are the swingers and I'm the 19 year-old virgin. They think it's funny.
ZebaRebahki 0
LOL! don't feel too bad. It's okay that you have morals and respect for your body. What's hilarious is that they bet on it and your mom has no faith in you lol.
Aperture 0
First question is how old is the OP.
DasStig 0
*** all you virgin dissers, there are many factors as to why some ppl still are virgins, not just because they are losers... im a guy whos in the same boat as you. Perhaps we can find a way to solve our FML problems together..... ;) LOL, jj, - dw, ppl like us just have to hold on until that time comes.
i_fail_greatly 0
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! this really sucks but hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaaha!!!!!!!! this is the funniest thing i've heard all week!
Ron_fml 0
Didn't one fml have the same thing but it was about if he was gay or not. And wasnt this on South Park either way Unoriginal
maliawashere 0
hey, at least your mom thinks your getting some.
chrismace 11
Well, it's not necessarily bad to have a non existent sex life, but FYL because your parents made a bet out of it.
bubblekat9 0
Being a virgin is something to be proud of. Not many people these days can say that they honestly respect themselves enough to keep it in their pants.
l33tm0nk3y 0
Right on, #80. The fact that the sex life is "nonexistant" is nothing to be upset about. Don't let it get to you. Now, the fact that your parents bet on it...that's a little weird.
FerSheezyy7 0
It's interesting that my boyfriend recently told me a story very similar to this, that happened to him.