Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother had "The talk" with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML
Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML
Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said, "You know you can't wash and reuse these?" FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TC_fml 0
You should have said, "Dad."
alwaysalady 0
Parents don't like to think about their kids having sex. When I told my parents I was pregnant, my dad nearly attacked my husband. But really, you should hide your stash better. And follow 12's advice.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (38)
TC_fml 0
You should have said, "Dad."
xkat356 0
loll, that was amazing.
MassiDelta 28
I'm not sure whether to laugh or be disgusted
mleugim 0
@#4 jajajaja
atlgurlppsc 0
haha
alphabeta_fml 0
@ #4 OMG LOLOLOL
ZING_MASTER 0
Yo momma just got her ZING ON!!!
alwaysalady 0
Parents don't like to think about their kids having sex. When I told my parents I was pregnant, my dad nearly attacked my husband. But really, you should hide your stash better. And follow 12's advice.
sillypun 0
I'm still lovin the ZING MASTERY mish831: sometimes you carry a condom in your pocket because you EXPECT TO USE IT. Do we know he/she always carries condoms? Maybe it was the night after the BIG DANCE or some BS like that. You jump to too many conclusion. I agree parents don't want to see it, but I'd rather have condoms around when I don't need them, then be missing them when I do. No one wants babies/STDs/to have go to the 7-11 at 1:45 when you are about to get some of the "sex". Thats just more time for the girl to realize that she is drunk and you're an a-hole. Besides... Condoms make sex so unpleasurable its actually worth it to be monogamous. Get that Bia-Bia on the pill. ZING
GuitarPlaya7 0
I'd have sex with him^^^^ ;)
vballgirl811 0
Lmfao!
fb_fml 0
"Who would have sex with you?" "Evidently, no one"
fb_fml 0
Why would your mom talk to you about the birds & the bees if you already are carrying condoms? Clearly you understand something...
sealedtight 0
LOL; the same think happened to me; only im 14 and female; and my momsaid; "well; its been washed; you might not want to use it; I will get you some more" then continued to say " i thought my condom box was missing a couple of condoms, now i know who used them."
bree_4life 4
LOL
happylappy 21
****.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
You were having sex at 14 or younger and your mother was actually okay with it?