Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML
Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML
Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying, "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML
Today, I went for a quick piss at a restaurant. As I walked out the door, a little kid in the bathroom yelled, "HEY MISTER, YOU FORGOT TO WASH YOUR HANDS!" Everyone in the dining room stared, including my date. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML
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Top comments
MrHomerSimpson 11
Good girl
SkoomaKi 28
At least you wash your hands. A lot of people don't...
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Comments (131)
MrHomerSimpson 11
Good girl
elat4lolz 0
op sounds like a really shallow whiney teenage girl. just stfu and give him a hand job or leave.
IOmnomHard 10
He obviously is glad his DNA won't be on your hands when he kills you--err, I mean, takes you out for a lovely dinner tonight!
THE_A_TEEN 28
elat3lolz sounds like a really shallow douche with no consideration for a woman's feelings.
THE_A_TEEN 28
elat4lolz sounds like a really shallow douche with no consideration for a woman's feelings.
MizzErikaHart 8
Now, "it rubs the lotion on it's skin.."
Firuzzy 10
69 likes.... Shoot me now, I'm too immature
cheaptrix 6
91-those comments don't work, because the number of likes change, and thus it makes you look stupid.
_overandout_ 10
Sounds like someone's got a fetish :P
Zoranius 6
..Or just wants a girlfriend who washes the hands
CremeEggs 6
Or like this chocolates partners ex, they didn't wash their hands after going to the bathroom. Not for number 1's or number 2's. She was apparently pretty gross like that.
LSS_fml 18
I want a creme egg now!
Daederoth 10
Or, his last girlfriend did not wash her hands.
CremeEggs 6
I'm pretty amazing like that 31
GracesDelirium 9
I love you, Creme Egg. Marry me?
Twigz666 18
His name wouldn't be Peter File by any chance?
MetalxSoldier 26
Hand fetish maybe?
MetalxSoldier 26
Dammit, I guess someone beat me to it. Maybe he just wanted to get close to your hands to see the "precious!"
plasticsmile42 2
Hygiene is very important!
lopsop 12
I don't want to be around someone who doesn't wash there hands that's disgusting.
Myo_fml 20
Their***
Mischief109 11
U no won ov deez daze sumones gonna talk lik dis jist to make all dese grammer nd speling natsiz vary vary mad.
Cappiej 18
And it was followed by some evil laughter, right?
thatssomeBS 9
He just wants to know that you started clean before getting all kind of dirty.
luckyd880 12
Maybe he was trying to say it seductively and it just came off as creepy.
SkoomaKi 28
At least you wash your hands. A lot of people don't...
jizzwold 21
I don't after a piss. What's the point? I barely even touch my dick and its not like its that dirty.
kooochris1995 14
Cuz there is barely anything to touch. lol.
sonicgreg 12
Then you got your dick dirt on your hands, so when you shake a young lady's hand, its like getting a handjob. Wait, never. Washing. Hands. Ever.
jizzwold 21
I don't understand why I'm getting thumbed down. The purpose of cleanliness is to prevent disease and, to a lesser extent, to not smell terrible. So why is it so important to wash your hands every time you use the restroom if you just have to pee?
kamikrazy 6
If you don't wash your hands after using the bathroom then when do you wash your hands?
rcgirl2 11
Did he do a pedo smile afterward?
datoismyname 22
I think it's time to break up if he's already creeping you out.
LSS_fml 18
Over him commenting on her washing her hands? Totally break up worthy...... Or not.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
This is by far the worst use of the 'Break up with him' FML trend.
kandi_kid69 15
I sense some future hand fuckage about to commence. Make sure your hands wear protection, OP.