Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML
Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML
Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, during my second day on the job, I ate pasta with a pen in the backroom. My old job provided plasticware, and it never occurred to me to pack a fork. FML
Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML
Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML
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Top comments
wallandpiece 16
Go and chew on his power tools.
lalalanono 8
Sanatize it and move on with your life.
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Comments (77)
ICastillo 25
That's annoying when people do that shit. It seems like every time you lend some one a pen, it's a mission for that person to chew it up.
hecallsmedarlin 7
I would never chew on someone else's pen... I don't get how people can. Must not take the time to think where the owners hand has been...like wiping their ass and not washing their hands... Soo gross. I must just be too overly sanitary for the rest of the world.
tmmundy 17
No you're not the only one. You would not believe just how many people DO NOT wash their hands after using a public restroom, they stop to fix their hair, apply lipstick, but neglect to wash their hands...I just wonder what's all over their hands while their applying their lipstick or fixing their hair..yuk!!
Fasterkill 6
There's actually more bacteria around the sinks than on the toilet in a public restroom. Why? Because all of the shitty and pissy hands reach for the knobs on the faucet, which transfers plenty of bacteria. I would rather have my own shit on my hands than that of thousands I don't know. At least I can wipe my ass properly.
TheGewt 7
Next time grab the pen and stab the person in the throat.
xattitudegurlx 13
Thats gross who does that?
blacksswan 10
The construction worker.
raraisbang 12
Obviously he has a taste for the finer things in life, OP. Hell, If I pay that much for a pen, the tip of it better taste like cheesecake.
coldashell 23
That idea would only make the pen chewing epidemic worse.
auzz1_pride 9
Mmm cheesecake, now you've made me hungry cheers.
PasstheWhiskey 3
Bic pens are like a dollar for ten. Go with that next time.
doodlecloud 27
That's also why they're awful to write with. I'm not so fussy that I'd buy a Parker but if you write lots you've got to have a pen that's comfortable and reliable.
b0ngs 7
Woah...bics are the shit. Dont hate on them. Plus bic makes everything(:
nattynatters 14
People are allowed to buy nice (otherwise stupid) things. Every fall semester I buy I cheap pack of Bic pens, then a really nice pen just for me. I'm a freak for office supplies and a secondary English major. Dropping a few extra dollars on a great pen makes sense to me.
raraisbang 12
Dropping a few extra dollars is totally different that dropping hundreds of dollars on a pen. That's just a waste of money.
SaintAradia 5
Am I missing something here? It's a pen. o_0
TheGewt 7
An expensive pen.
auzz1_pride 9
It's not just any pen, but a PARKER pen :)
Jewnut 0
some people take their pens very seriously. as a matter of fact I am one of those people
auzz1_pride 9
I honestly don't even know what a Parker pen is...
LSS_fml 18
An expensive one
yahoowizard 16
Some are made up of marble and gold and things like that, so they're really nice (and expensive)
aznbiznitch666 4
After reading this post I actually went to eBay and looked up Parker pens. Dude is stupid for just standing there and letting this worker slobber all over the dam thing.
tmmundy 17
#33...I, too, am a pen person. I have my favorite pens, but I have never nor will I ever spend that much for a pen.
Jewnut 0
I don't think I'd even spend that much on a pair of pants
brigante45 5
It's only a pen..
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"Take this, it will help you on your journey." "A pen?" "A magical pen." "...can I write with it?" "No." "But it's a pe-" "NO!"
michellez 5
where its that from?it sounds familiar.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Sailor moon Abridged. The person's username starts with an M. Mega- something... I dunno ._.
angelofsaturn 23
#98 shit I wish I had a disguise pen. Lol
j_cat187 20
Aren't Parker pens made of stainless steel? That man must have some ****** up teeth.
DocBastard 40
This guy sounds like a bic idiot.
coldashell 23
Nice one doc.
DooleyFTW 17
Well there's always the bonus that you actually got it back, most of the time I loan somebody a pen they "forget" to give it back.