Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML
Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML
Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, during my second day on the job, I ate pasta with a pen in the backroom. My old job provided plasticware, and it never occurred to me to pack a fork. FML
Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML
Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML
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Top comments
wallandpiece 16
Go and chew on his power tools.
lalalanono 8
Sanatize it and move on with your life.
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Comments (77)
GrossedOut12 2
Does it matter that it was a construction worker? I think no matter what "type" of person it was, it would still be gross!
ImaginaryFoe 1
Yeah, that was odd, wasn't it? I was waiting for that to be relevant to the story somehow - he stepped on it with his steel toes or he drove a steam roller over it. In light of what could've happened, you got off lightly, OP. Parkers are well made so it shouldn't be mangled or anything. Here's a tip: Never loan something you can't bear to lose or have damaged.
KatKat23 9
I would've said no. What a disgusting guy
auzz1_pride 9
Unfortunately OP didn't know that the construction worker would chew his pen, he was just being a good citizen and lent the guy his pen, surely he would have said no if he knew he was going to try chewing on it.
MerrikBarbarian 9
This is why I'm glad I'm an artist. No stress over expensive pens since I can't afford them. I just go with cheapy dollar store pens unless I'm using them for art... Even those can be used for art actually :p
kevinn95 0
Dude its a pen FYL for caring so much and going off to buy a "Parker" pen which im sure is over priced and really unnecessary..
hellobailey 2
Agreed.
DooleyFTW 17
Well for all you know the op could have a job which requires a lot of writing, so spending a lot of money on a quality pen that will last a long time makes sense. My dads had the same Parker pen for like 15 years that he uses almost every day
kateindeed 5
Sometimes I wonder if FML has sponsors and they pay for FMLs like this to be published. I've never heard of Parker pens until today.
xgetxbentx 13
It's a ******* pen, get over it.
kateindeed 5
Sometimes I wonder if FML gets paid to post FMLs like these. Never heard of Parker pens until today.
hecallsmedarlin 7
You are a part of the team?! Well I am wondering, when is my FML ever going to be posted? ^.^
Sirin_fml 47
Can I get tickets to whatever planet you live on? It sounds pleasantly isolated, though the cultural awareness seems lacking. - Sent from my iPhone 4S, stocked in all good stores. Buy now!
GDIalex 11
I'd like a ticket to your planet, too. Parker is known by almost everybody, it's like Coca-Cola, or Apple - doesn't really need much advertising in terms of acquiring the brand. Moreover, this FML would actually demotivate me from buying Parker pen - dafuq, it's going to be chewed by somebody anyway! (even the fact that the pen is made of stainless steel doesn't scare these pen-chewers away!) yeah, I prefer having a lot of pens and sheets almost everywhere, so that I can write anything anytime, and keep my head clean of unnecessary thoughts. For that I need cheap pens, of course. Or pens like "scientific conference 2011" or "Moscow business-summer 2010". It's just way cooler to write with these, than with Parker :)
rubberduckie94 13
I had never heard of Parker pens either. On the bright side my new couch fits nicely beneath the rock that I live under.
koolkat27 13
67- I don't know how they do it in Russia, but I've never heard of a Parker pen in my life. Seems like a complete waste of money though.
FalconWhitaker 20
GAAAAAH! Not the nice pen! D: That really sucks, OP. People should learn not to chew on other people's property.
catanita 18
For the #50 post. Parker is known world wide , maybe one of the best.
doodlecloud 27
I had this happen on the first day of school a couple of years back. A brand new pack of my favourite pens and the girl chewed it so much it wouldn't even pop up and down and I had to throw it away before I ever got to use it myself. Some people are so rude.