Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML
Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML
Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, during my second day on the job, I ate pasta with a pen in the backroom. My old job provided plasticware, and it never occurred to me to pack a fork. FML
Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML
Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML
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Top comments
wallandpiece 16
Go and chew on his power tools.
lalalanono 8
Sanatize it and move on with your life.
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Comments (77)
GoldenGrizzly 7
This is why I don't loan pens to someone and in the rare chance I do, I keep my eye on the stranger holding my pen. It would be very simple, Op, to say, "Hey stop chewing on my pen."
groupleader 7
The pen is in your hand.....or the penis in your hand. You make the call.
zoeybellafluffy 2
At least he returned it
chazbom 3
As if u wouldn't just say "nah dude I don't have a pen" ?
likeAwesome 3
It's a ******* pen...
BecomeMine 0
Yuck, you should borrow his jackhammer
suri23 11
Rubbing alcohol, 10 min, ur good to go.
hais 0
Count your blessings atleast u didnt lend him a mont blanc
CrazyManNo9 29
Repeat after me, "Sorry, but I don't have a spare..."
wanna_bee 8
Ever think of this--no I can't loan you my pen. Feel sorry for your future children if you can't say no.