Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML
Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML
Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, during my second day on the job, I ate pasta with a pen in the backroom. My old job provided plasticware, and it never occurred to me to pack a fork. FML
Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML
Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
wallandpiece 16
Go and chew on his power tools.
lalalanono 8
Sanatize it and move on with your life.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (77)
fml286064 4
Beat his ass!!
NoisyNykkii 10
Borrow his jackhammer.....
Mister_Triangle 21
And slobber on it!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Or use your own jackhammer on his wife, and get her to slobber on it. Or you could slobber on her Whatever.
annihil8or 15
Or just hit him with it
YoTengoTomatoes 7
Can I just say that fmls are really starting to get to the point where it's really not a big deal?! I'm not sure which bothers me more; this one, or the one with the woman who was so annoyed by the guy who says 'literally' a lot.
aaahhhfire21 0
What's so special about this pen u couldn't say just keep it?
Katieslock 17
They're insanely expensive
wallandpiece 16
Go and chew on his power tools.
onlychildFTW 34
Make sure to leave lots of spit, like he did to your pen! Remember ratios. A little spit on small pen - lots of spit on large tools!
eddeeezzyy 19
*power tools in background Mr. Doback: Are those power tools? Mrs. Huff: idk, they shouldn't be. Mr. D: Hey Dale! No power tools! Dale: What, nah, I'm just brushing my teeth! Mr. D: That is not your toothbrush! :D
skoob1 12
54, da faq?
buck33 14
Step brothers. In case anyone didn't get that.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Avoid the drill. And the saw. Dear god, AVOID THE SAW.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Oh god... Mental images... I might make this a comic later
zoPwNAgEzo 21
You let a man chew on your pen..
BRLHP 24
You can read, congrats.
coldashell 23
^nice. Should we give him a cookie now?
nofearjenshere 12
Yes. *hands him cookie*
Amarve 4
*steals cookie* He doesn't deserve that cookie!
bearnblue 0
*takes cookie from you* catch me if you can im the gingerbread man!
stolencookie 17
*takes cookie away* Yep.
mhopper 13
I cringed while reading this!!!
OkitaCockroach 19
Something I'd do, just to be a dick.
TheGewt 7
I hate when people try to be dicks.
auzz1_pride 9
I hate when people try to be dicks to other dicks and it completely backfires.
TheGewt 7
I wasn't trying. It also didn't backfire.
auzz1_pride 9
Sorry if it looked like I was refferring to you(even though I didn't make contact to you in any way) but no I mean't in general when this happens. And if I was, I would have been supporting you not shoving it up your ass. And if you were not trying why did you say it didn't backfire?
hecallsmedarlin 7
29, I believe 27 was responding to 6's comment... Just like you were... Since these replies ALL go to his comment. Not everything is about or to you (except this) just sayin.
immaMonsta 8
#29 Narcissist *cough cough*
Helldemon 32
Ya, that makes sense. Someone was nice enough to let you borrow their pen and you would **** it up, on purpose no less? Good job.
TheGewt 7
In my defense, it looked like he was referring to my comment even without actually saying it to me.
I_Punch_Babies 7
now part of him will always be with you
Demonfish 14
He chewed on your pen? Chew on his soul!!!!
untamed112 0
I don't think that's ..... Nevermind
lalalanono 8
Sanatize it and move on with your life.
Mister_Triangle 21
A rational response? Clearly you never got the memo.
Demonfish 14
I had rationality once... I seem to have misplaced it... :/
calilovergirl 4
How could you be do cruel to say that?? It's a Parker! Btw does that mean it is some special pen? Unless you are a writer, a pen is a pen. They all look the same on paper. Get some bic pens and quit whining.
Demonfish 14
127- I'm not entirely sure who your rant is aimed at... Care to clarify?
guitar666God 12
Yes, OP should sanitize the pen
Ge0rger0kz 5
Think about it, FYL because of a pen? Oh sorry a Parker pen?
NoisyNykkii 10
Just buy a pack of ten from Target......
itsame0987 18
I agree with 18. Ydi for 1. spending that much on a pen, and 2. Letting someone borrow a pen that expensive. Seriously op you could get several pilot pens for the price of one Parker pen, and pilots are great.
MerrikBarbarian 9
18- better yet- buy a 25 pack from the dollar store. ;) I've honestly never heard of Parker pens... But in my experience, a pen is a pen... Unless you get into art pens... Which are a whole other ball game
yahoowizard 16
They're amazing though. It's like a Rolex or some nice branded watch vs a digital watch for ten bucks. To each their own, and as for me, i love nice pens and crappy friends aren't a reason to not buy nice things
hecallsmedarlin 7
This pen better write in gold ink...
Enslaved 38
Maybe the OP didn't buy it. I was given a MontBlanc pen as a graduation gift. I didn't spend money for it. Expensive pens seem to be a popular gift idea for that occasion. I love it! But I keep it at home with my check book. I wouldn't want to lose it. :o
KeyboardWarrior 10
57 has it right. At the end of the day, a pen is still a pen. They are used to write. Does it really heighten the 'experience' when writing with one that is overpriced? If it mattered so much to OP, he could have simply asked the worker to not gnaw on it. I'm sure he would have been understanding.
aznbiznitch666 4
Well it should be a FML b/c dude paid more than a few bucks for a pen. His post should have gone something like this: Today, I realized I pay way to much for pens when a construction worker asked to borrow my pen and slobbered all over it, FML..
kmsdvm24 11
Why is everyone criticizing the OP for buying an expensive pen? I don't care if he spent fifteen cents or fifty dollars on the pen; he kindly lent it out to someone and they CHEWED on it. That's beyond rude and disgusting! I would be upset too!
destryyy 10
They are like 40$ just for the generic. It's ridiculous. It's just fancy casing on ordinary ink. Some of the Parker pens are like 500 $
Link5794 18
There are pens that write in proprietary metal alloy "ink". I used quotes because it actually works more like a pencil.
Link5794 18
Also, there are pens with pressurized ink cartridges which allow them to write on greasy surfaces and IN SPACE!!! One is called the Space Pen because of this.
DustyStorm 16
Oooooh!!! Is that the Seinfeld space pen???