Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML
Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML
Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, during my second day on the job, I ate pasta with a pen in the backroom. My old job provided plasticware, and it never occurred to me to pack a fork. FML
Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML
Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML
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Top comments
wallandpiece 16
Go and chew on his power tools.
lalalanono 8
Sanatize it and move on with your life.
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Comments (77)
NotAlwaysRight 11
I don't get why people spend so much money on pens. I got a pack of pens from the dollar store and they write as smooth as a $50 pen.
quinnlp 4
And then tell him the story of that pen in you're ass
Myo_fml 20
It has happened to me before too, OP. I know it sucks. :( I loaned one to a guy in a class and got to sit back there behind him watching him gnaw away.
perdix 31
The good news is you have enough of his DNA to clone him. In about 20 years you can form a Village People tribute band.
whiterabbit420 4
Parker's aren't even that expensive if it was a mont blanc... Thats another story. And if why didn't you say something?!??? You just sat there, staring while he gnawed on your pen then accepted it back covered in spit? That's just ridiculous. YDI for loaning out something you perceive as valuable without keeping an eye on it or speaking up for yourself. Nobody's life gets f'ed over a pen....
tmmundy 17
^^just maybe op didn't see the guy gnawing on the pen. Just maybe op realized the guy had gnawed on it when he returned the pen with a special gift of slobber. yuk
tmmundy 17
^^well you're right op did just sit there staring. I read soooo many FMLs. I had to go back and read the op lol. Socks for op.
1crabbygirl 10
It's true, people just refuse to speak out for themselves. And when we do, others get pi$$y. I don't understand how people can be such unabashed a$$kissers!
Grinder42 1
Who goes to cafe's??
tmmundy 17
#101...Really? Who doesn't go to Cafes? I'm sure you just go to bars or restaurants? News flash...Cafes still exists on this planet!!!
linkinpark98 24
Really, a pen? Just buy a new one or clean it up and move on!
luvscomplic8ed 6
Nice.
reddudeover 2
That was your favorite butt plug pen too. What a jerk!
skyeyez9 25
Why didn't you tell him to stop?