Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
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Top comments
ClassyCommando 13
It's an asshole, what the **** does he expect it to look like? If he cares that much about bleaching assholes, he should bleach himself for being one.
shadowsorel 15
How the **** do you bleach an asshole?
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Comments (280)
WrongRomance 11
Ask him if you can try it on him first. What an idiot. I wouldn't be surprised if he expected you to wax while he runs around as hairy as Tarzan. People these days are so fascinated with not looking like humans. He needs to pick somewhere else to stare at, or try a different position if he's so offended. Or come to the realization that bleaching your butthole would be like bleaching your nipples- unnatural looking, and I would imagine damaging.
sharksfan48 13
I'm pretty sure an asshole isn't supposed to be bleached...
SApprentice 34
He's an asshole, and an idiot. Please don't bleach your anus. It causes a lot of health problems, and is completely unnecessary. You need to have a serious conversation with him. Point out how superficial it is of him to want you to look like a pornstar, and show him evidence as to the damage it causes. If he still persists in being a prick, be done with him. It's wrong of him to say those things to you, especially in that way and during sex.
Ameel_fml 19
This kinda reminds me of a documentary I saw a while ago about how common it is becoming for women to go to plastic surgeons to have their labia made smaller (or completely removed) in order to look more like **** stars. I can understand why someone would want such surgery if their labia was deformed or something, but wanting to look like a **** star (who's genitals are usually photoshopped anyway) is such a ridiculous reason to go under the knife. The idea of having someone cutting at my lady-parts with a scalpel is something that, quite frankly, horrifies me.
selahsmithereens 1
I agree! Some women do have elongated vaginal lips, which become physically painful to try to wear clothes over. This would be a cause for surgery, but to make your ****** look lipless reminds me of genital mutilation in Muslim countries, which I think is disturbing to look at and would never want to look like. Also, biologically the lips and hair are there to keep nasty bacteria and other substances out! Trimming hair is fine but mutilating your body is idiotic. What I find funny is that there are no hoards of men going out to get their scrotums tightened on one side if one ******** hangs lower than the other. I think the ideal of a tiny, bleached genital area is almost pedophilic in nature.
WrongRomance 11
I had a skin biopsy done where they cut a piece of tissue the size of a pencil eraser from my vulva to test for Lichen Planus, and that took perhaps a week to heal. It's difficult for the newly formed scab/skin to keep from getting irritated, or pulled off. It wasn't the best place to have that done, they even gave me a shot to numb it in the same location. I couldn't imagine having them cut there under my own (or husband's) will.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
The lips and hair are there to keep bacteria and other substances out, this is true. However the need for the hair dropped to nearly zero upon the invention of clothing, which keeps stuff from getting to that area. Now obviously if you spend a lot of time in skirts going commando you may wish to consider keeping more of the hair around for simple health reasons. Otherwise the only problem with shaving/waxing that area is the act of shaving/waxing that area because of the irritation it causes.
IworkAt711 14
Tell him to go bleach himself since he's an asshole.
sikkpsychodoll 3
I would have said some thing hurtful back.. Like "babe you really need a penis pump"
kyat288 9
Umm, it's an asshole. Shit comes out of it, it's not ment to look nice...
CeltHound 14
Or to be an entrance...
Gwyddone 29
Oh. Someone's a **** addict... don't do that, OP. And FYL, really.
Kaleigh090 11
You should suggest that he shave his balls with a cheese grater. I presume it would have about the same level of success.
itsgen 16
Have sex at night
ClassyCommando 13
Sex at night, of all times! You crazy kids...you'll be drinking responsibly next.
JrLee87 6
Hmu
zandalee 20
That is so disrespectful of him to say that. Does he think you are a plastic doll? Personally I don't think I could ever be comfortable making love with someone after they said something this stupid and superficial... I would probably rethink my relationship.