Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML
Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML
Today, my grandmother told me that if I didn’t get my act together, especially regarding a job, my relationship with my girlfriend would fizzle out. This is after I've already applied for 3 jobs. I told her respectfully that our relationship isn’t her business, and she threatened to kick me out of the house. FML
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
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Top comments
GingerNinja7 17
Troll granny strikes again
CommunistBanana 8
What is up with these grannies on FML?
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Comments (111)
OverBlossomed 22
My family tells me crap like this too. That's why I'm cutting them all off when I leave.
REFF_fml 9
NO SHE DID NOT SAY THAT NOPE UH UN
chuckcloninger 12
Maybe you could become a famous and rich author by writing a book about a nice girl born into a trashy, low class and nasty family led by a horrid, old road ***** of a grandmother. Non-fiction of course.
yourlifesucksHA 14
I'll be the judge of that show them!!
RaD_icaL5 3
I guess no one heard of Delicious Flat Chest DFC. They are a rarity, I say.
Kc1001 14
Granny looks at ****?
Ugi 27
That's OK - **** can be fixed. Oh. Sorry. Was that not the point?
doglover100 29
I didn't realize how many families suck before I got on FML.