Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML
Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML
Today, my grandmother told me that if I didn’t get my act together, especially regarding a job, my relationship with my girlfriend would fizzle out. This is after I've already applied for 3 jobs. I told her respectfully that our relationship isn’t her business, and she threatened to kick me out of the house. FML
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
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Top comments
GingerNinja7 17
Troll granny strikes again
CommunistBanana 8
What is up with these grannies on FML?
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Comments (111)
Obey_StudBoii 23
There's a fetish for everything. More power to you if you want to work in the Adult Industry.
chanellgymnast 17
Your grandma reminds me of Betty White. LOVE.
Not_Impressed13 9
Wow! What a loving and supportive family! Sounds like it is time to prove them all wrong. Find a career you love, be successful and leave them in your dust.
journeytotheend 16
Don't worry.. I'll still like your...
ambitiousnygrl 17
I'm sorry, OP! No one deserves to hear that, especially from family. But, hey, you'll prove them wrong when you end up becoming a successful CEO of a major company!
FightMyLiger 19
God, help her break into the **** industry, despite her ****. Thanks for the prayer, granny.
sig4life 18
Small ones are in **** too. There is always room for someone in **** as well as just about every fantasy you can think off. So don't worry you can alway fall back 'on to it for the camera if you need to.
hulkhells 3
first of all how old are you?, im guessing you're not in college or in elementary school.... highschool stress from family?
zeuslovesyaoi 17
don't worry sweetheart errybody got **** for ****. Even a select few fat guys! you'll do fine :)
Mookiisfabulous 15
Got to love grandmas, eh?