Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML
Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML
Today, my grandmother told me that if I didn’t get my act together, especially regarding a job, my relationship with my girlfriend would fizzle out. This is after I've already applied for 3 jobs. I told her respectfully that our relationship isn’t her business, and she threatened to kick me out of the house. FML
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
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Top comments
GingerNinja7 17
Troll granny strikes again
CommunistBanana 8
What is up with these grannies on FML?
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Comments (111)
born_hustla 26
Grandma really kept an open mind on that one!! Prove them wrong!
truepanda 2
hahaha this post made me laugh and sad. i miss my grandma. she died a few days ago. i loved her.
Han1156 23
Who needs ****, all **** are great.
aikhan 16
don't listen to anyone you're unique in your own way. just follow your passion and you will surprise everyone with success. be strong willed and never loose hope.
militarybrat 21
One, you can buy ****. Two, do what you enjoy, or are good at. Family doesnt always know whats best
AnimeBitch 14
There is many a flat chested pornstar, I'm sure. However, there are higher aspirations :)
EUPHORlA 12
You don't need massive breasts to be in ****. People will whack off to pretty much anything.
ADeagle 7
You really shouldn't listen to them. I have siblings myself who sound the same. Just do whatever you think you'll do well in.
Omniprism 15
Sounds like your grandma can be pretty funny. Just take comfort in knowing that you WILL prove them wrong someday.
MythsNLegends 10
Nothin wrong with small boobs. Also you family is being a collective bag of dicks. You can do anything you want, and when you do you don't have to give them any money since they didn't think it would happen in the first place.