Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML
Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML
Today, my grandmother told me that if I didn’t get my act together, especially regarding a job, my relationship with my girlfriend would fizzle out. This is after I've already applied for 3 jobs. I told her respectfully that our relationship isn’t her business, and she threatened to kick me out of the house. FML
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
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Top comments
GingerNinja7 17
Troll granny strikes again
CommunistBanana 8
What is up with these grannies on FML?
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Comments (111)
StEpHiE1226 12
Yer granny is boss op
MrConcise 35
Some guys get tired of looking that their own ****. Based on your grandmother's generous words of wisdom, you'd be a nice change of pace for them. I'll say it again, there's a fetish for everything.
jjmiller1001 17
girls with small books make good **** too
Jacksparrow72 21
Lots of guys are ass men and not boob men.
ardencred 7
OP will be the next Mark Zuckerberg! Watch
perdix 31
#93, he definitely doesn't have the **** for ****. If he did, he wouldn't be wearing that stupid hoodie all the time.
docscientist 10
Looks like the joke soared over many heads.
Thatmascot 7
Yes, because granny knows everything about this. She was quite a... star in her prime!
mattlw 25
Ask granny when the last time she saw **** was. It is a lot more diverse now than it was in the 30's.
icepick23 12
As long as you are generally hot, petite and have pretty feet, you do not need big breasts.
xs4u 13
LLLLLLOVE ur grandma!! :)