Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Cast the first stone
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML
Boobaloo
Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML
Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML
Sex work is real work
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML
Mind your own business
Today, my grandmother told me that if I didn’t get my act together, especially regarding a job, my relationship with my girlfriend would fizzle out. This is after I've already applied for 3 jobs. I told her respectfully that our relationship isn’t her business, and she threatened to kick me out of the house. FML
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
Top comments
GingerNinja7 17
Troll granny strikes again
CommunistBanana 8
What is up with these grannies on FML?
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Comments (111)
N_Jaay 6
LOL
GingerNinja7 17
Troll granny strikes again
Bakarra 22
Freakin grannies man, they must think since they're senile that they can say whatever they want, and they can...
sniken 14
indeed they can ;)
countryrose92 23
Hey, at least people can buy ****. Idk about everything else. :)
Dr0reos 8
Or you could go into prostitution. Hey it's a pay cut but the economy's been tough on everyone.
gc327072 31
^It's also one of the world's oldest professions! In fact, there's even a Prostitute's Union, which was founded in 1869 by Anita Goodlay.
MDTeddy 13
Another fml about someone's grandma being a total dick...
Wimoweh 10
Anita goodlay. Well I do lay my ladies good.
ElementaryEdGuy 18
52 - I googled that. I feel so dumb now.
Sekkaichi 12
There has been so many Granny FML lately...
Reaper1984 13
does anyone else picture Betty White here
dalink 24
If troll grannies are this funny, then let them preach.
twinkletoes747 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Boob job?
CareFace 16
So she can do ****? Or just for the fact she can say she got a job... Of some description.
kakarot2 11
There is **** dedicated for small boobed girls, fat girls, hairy girls.. There is taste for everyone! Don't worry op!
LarryLaDouche 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Delicous delicious flat-chest.
OptimusVader 23
Big boobs aren't always ****-material. It's not always the size that matters. OP might just have ugly boobs, period.
lazyasn 5
Gotta love family
CreepInTheCorner 11
You'll find something (: If your family doesn't think so, then you'll eventually show them. At least I'd hope so..
Mariebaz 11
Hopefully she doesn't choose **** then!
CommunistBanana 8
What is up with these grannies on FML?
whatthefreshhell 15
Don't listen to them, OP. Sometimes family members all decide to suck at once, and clearly this is one of those times. Good luck!
Nicole1225 14
Thats why you get implants. simple as that!
whatthefreshhell 15
Yeah, but those cost around 10k.
Bakarra 22
Ooooor you could try to be comfortable with who you are and not spend your whole life trying to fit an unwritten social quota that you have little control over? (Tit size)
whatthefreshhell 15
Buuuuuut some people are never truly comfortable and of a little bit of work fixes that, they should do it. You know, just a little bit, not Joan Rivers.
peachesncreem 21
Yeah, #9. Getting implants is the obvious solution. Not. I don't think OP's grandma meant **** was a serious career choice/fall back career for OP. she was just making a snide comment.
Nicole1225 14
I agree with #23 if you can fix it, do it. and I'm not just talking about plastic surgery.
SunAndMoon427 12
Oh to be 16 again and think that everything can easily be fixed if you want it to...don't worry 66, you'll learn one day.
Reaper1984 13
Changing what you look like or who you are for someone or for something they say is ludicrous. You are the only you..... BE PROUD
docscientist 10
You know what's funny 71, things seem to be more easily fixed now than when I was 16. Unless they are outside my control, which then I have to rely on the momentum of humanity, and they're slow enough in effecting beneficial progress it's often depressing.
SunAndMoon427 12
You are quite lucky then because when I was 16 I used to think I could change anything I put my mind to, but now at almost 25 I see that sometimes way more is out of my control than I'd like it to be and I see now that I was naive to think that I could fix anything.
docscientist 10
You still can. Our generation was dealt a bad hand, but through perserverence, ingenuity, understanding, and cooperation we can set humanity on a course that isn't so self-destructive, to one that is more deserving of our species and our only home. We're a dynamic generation.
EvilUndead 9
92, There are ALWAYS things that are beyond your control. For example, you can't change the past, you can't bring back the dead, and you can't stop natural disasters. "through perserverence, ingenuity, understanding, and cooperation we can set humanity on a course" This is called arrogance. For example, USSR was seriously trying to build better future for the entire planet. Now see what happened.
docscientist 10
94 - Jesus, man. You completely misconstrued my message. I stated previously that there are things out of your control, but I was referring to things that are individually out of your control. I don't know where you get the idea that I meant you could control the weather or past because you can "fix" things; I don't suffer from schizophrenia. You came a bit out of left field with that USSR comment; maybe cooperation is a scary word for you :P I understand what I said was open-ended, but there was no need to challenge my point if you wanted to express an idea. I can't imagine you're suggesting we give up. But I would be talking more about issues like a decade of wars, global warming, financial crisis, hunger, the struggle for human rights, and worldwide turmoil as a result of these daunting issues. The sad thing is, many of these issues can rather easily be solved, we have the technology and understanding to make these happen, what is missing is the political willpower to do so. These are things that will take an effort amongst many of us working together to solve and ensure that future generations won't have to deal with all this ridiculous bullshit that we put ourselves through. You can't possibly yet know my worldview, unless you explicitly ask me to express it to you (A lot of it is about the importance of diversity, and that means more than what people assume, which is usually race/culture).
_TheAtheist_ 10
"A decade of wars, global warming, economy, famine," blah blah blah. What about centuries of the plague that calls itself religion? There will always be war and famine, until we deal with the underlying cause of division in the world.
docscientist 10
Really? Religion isn't "inherently" bad, but it's people's tendency to appeal to authority and do or believe things they wouldn't otherwise consider. I'd rather be without it, since historically it has done more harm under its banner and provided little to the advancement of humanity and has deterred our understanding of the world too many times, but thinking that all our major problems will be washed away without it is naive. It's not something you can force on people, humanity will just have to grow out of it and people can discover on their own what they believe in (through the lens of reality and not revelation), rather than being spoon fed a religious belief system since birth. These other issues however, can be tackled with policy. Another problem is a lack of desire to communicate, like in how you responded to me.
docscientist 10
Also, don't knock other peoples certainty in faith when you claim to be an atheist. If you're not doubting either way, you're fooling yourself.
_TheAtheist_ 10
First of all, religion is inherently bad. People are not naturally stupid, and this has always posed a significant problem to those who wish to rule. Religion is the most effective idea that has ever been found in the history of the world to blind people to what is going on around them. Religion has set us back hundreds of years scientifically, and is still doing so in areas like stem cell research (for example.) "but thinking that all our major problems will be washed away without it is naive" I did not say all of our problems would simply "wash away"... What I did say was that until we deal with religion, it will be nearly impossible to solve those problems. Without religion dividing up the world and blinding people to what their leaders are doing, the road to recovery is much quicker. "Also, don't knock other peoples certainty in faith when you claim to be an atheist. If you're not doubting either way, you're fooling yourself." Haha, really? Would you care to repeat that statement to all the Christians out there who vehemently deny even the slightest possibility that their God doesn't exist? Who are raised on the principle that doubt, even for a second, condemns them to eternal damnation?
itsalanis 25
What in the hell did this comment thread turn into?
manofmerr 27
I feel as though an argument could be made that groups are naturally stupid. Perhaps a individual person isn't, but since religon is usually comprised of groups of people, i feel that point might matter more.
hryffff 11
You could always get plastic surgery! But everyone in your family is a bitch.
Reaper1984 13
Calling OP's entire family a bitch is not only completely uncalled for, but its also a dick move. Im pretty sure you don't know them, plus im also sure that not her entire family was involved.
amDes 11
At least anything you do know will surprise them. Keep the bar low so you always can rise above it ;)