Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said, "Good." FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML
Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML
Today, I went to see my dad to tell him that my girlfriend of two years is pregnant. He burst out laughing, and said, "You r*tard! You've fallen for the oldest trick in the book! Caught by your dick in the hairy bear trap!" He was still laughing hysterically when I left an hour later. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. My whole family thought it would be hilarious to call it, "Lame disease." FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML
Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML
Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML
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Top comments
AirBusDriver 23
Clap clap clap... maybe next time you ought to just FAP FAP FAP.
giantsfan2010 23
Don't be silly, cover your willy!
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Comments (126)
DaeccaD 5
I actually read this as father applauding OP for finally getting some. but gonorrhea being called the clap is also good. funny from dad. too bad you got the clap. Now. learn from it and burn some rubber next time.
Dreamsorrow93 24
Eh I hate protected sex. Just sleep with guys you make get tested first.
Smooth_Criminal 24
^^ Dumbest "advice" ever!!
Patriots21 14
I hope you never have kids and never give advice to anybody.
kayla__brianna 10
The problem with your idea is that for many STD's guys don't show symptoms and can't be tested for. Like HPV.
Zebediabolical 45
...how YOU doin? ;)
MzZombicidal 36
Oh, cool. Maybe instead of an STD you can get a ******* baby? That's really stupid advice. So stupid.
pdp_fml 21
You must be hitting the wrong type of women or low class street walkers. Sorry, op YDI!
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
It is indeed a scientific fact that STDs only affect street walkers or the "wrong type of women", whatever that means. Besides, what makes you think that he got it from a woman?
Shamandalie89 32
Oh clap.
StickyPickles 33
The infamous dad burn. Epic
kellyem2 20
Gotta love the complete lack of sympathy. But if you're going to get an STD at least you got one that will go away eventually, so there's that.
vikky538 29
its time to tell the story to your dad on how you got that gonorrhea ..I am sure the laugh and giggle would stop right there...
DeathBunny8 9
I'm no longer surprised at the lack of knowledge here. 1) Condoms do not prevent STDs/STIs. Yes, they help protect against them, and you should always use them. However, you can still contract STDs/STIs with a condom. 2) Someone contracting one doesn't mean they sleep around. Stop judging.
Vegetarian27 24
If you don't got the rubber there'll be no hubba hubba!
esoom73 11
I don't feel bad for you I think you deserved it, if you don't know if they are clean or not don't **** them til you do know. its not a very difficult concept