Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said, "Good." FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML
Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML
Today, I went to see my dad to tell him that my girlfriend of two years is pregnant. He burst out laughing, and said, "You r*tard! You've fallen for the oldest trick in the book! Caught by your dick in the hairy bear trap!" He was still laughing hysterically when I left an hour later. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. My whole family thought it would be hilarious to call it, "Lame disease." FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML
Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML
Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AirBusDriver 23
Clap clap clap... maybe next time you ought to just FAP FAP FAP.
giantsfan2010 23
Don't be silly, cover your willy!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (126)
Exodiafinder687 58
Looks like you got burned twice now.
norpedo 16
Should've used a condom
ChristinePi 36
You act like condoms can't fail.
xwingtwo 15
Condoms don't fail. Dumb ass people do!
YepThatsMeee 23
#16 and #21 I believe the VAST majority of people who get STDs did NOT use condoms. And probably the majority of them again use that excuse: "Well, condoms don't always work anyway, so why bother." So yeah chances are you're right in your assumption #14.
kirbs19 37
Preach!
russfml 31
Condoms are 99.9%. I know Catholic schools teach falsely and very misleading about contraceptives not working because using them you are considered a sinner. Just an fyi if that's were you got your info from lol
limabeans101029 21
56- According to a leaflet my nurse gave me, condoms are "98% effective if used properly". But yeah, still pretty high
mfmylifesrsly 30
40 -you know what they say about assuming, right?
Stiggy626 25
or their significant other won't cheat
Steve95401 49
Clap on!! Clap off!! Clap on, clap off!! The Clapper!!
A7XCamaro 19
I admit, I giggled slightly.
danielhao 6
Wondering why you got that:)
LPisLame 16
? I see what he did there.
marcmaralou 15
fyl for your having gonorrhea, not for your dad having a good sense of humor
SkullsRules1 26
Yeah, At least he didn't freak out and lecture you
LittleMissShadow 16
Clap clap clap, slap slap slap
LoganBubblez 7
At least its curable.
PenguinBitch 44
Don't have sex, you'll get gonorrhea and die.