Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said, "Good." FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML
Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML
Today, I went to see my dad to tell him that my girlfriend of two years is pregnant. He burst out laughing, and said, "You r*tard! You've fallen for the oldest trick in the book! Caught by your dick in the hairy bear trap!" He was still laughing hysterically when I left an hour later. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. My whole family thought it would be hilarious to call it, "Lame disease." FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML
Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML
Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML
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Top comments
AirBusDriver 23
Clap clap clap... maybe next time you ought to just FAP FAP FAP.
giantsfan2010 23
Don't be silly, cover your willy!
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Comments (126)
missmisery86 11
chlamydia is the clap, not gonorrhea
MzZombicidal 36
Wrong.
andreaor 7
first off, how old are you that your father knows/has to know about this?
nodai 13
He warned you! (No seriously that sucks m8)
cloco87 22
Just remember before you undress Venus wrap your penis.
itswhitneybitch 22
At least you don't have to endure the original way to "cure" it... You can just take some nifty antibiotics.
Colon_Man 17
If memory serves, the original way involved fire, didn't it?
itswhitneybitch 22
In the civil war era field doctors would "clap" the penis between their hands to expel the infection that clogged the urethra. That's why it's also known as "the clap."
sabbyheartswhat 23
The more you know. :D Thanks.
pharm121 21
Ydi, learn to use a condom.
[email protected] 14
Have you ever thought of having that person tested before you did it? I would do that personally just be sure. Now you can't have a kid :(
Headcrab 29
Friendly reminder: STD's are BOP!
chosha_fml 27
You told your dad?
nitrog100 21
And that's why it's best to learn how to make chocolate agar and run your own test.