Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
juston_p 1
All you have to do is shave and condition.
Jujubilee 1
That nasty ass bitch!
jessesgirl14 16
Well... Looks like it's time to shave and kick her to the curb if she got it from someone else!
PutItIn 8
You can get crabs from the beach t... What ? oh those kind
AmeliaBadelia 0
You can get crabs from public potties... Sad that you blame your wife.
FallenNevermorE 0
U can get crabs in other ways, like using dirty underwear or wearing a unwashed bathing suit.
themariee 0
I need to show this to absti-no sex people.
Forodin 0
U married a *****
kronick_fml 0
That's why you don't leave q-tips on a toilet seat them bastards can pole vault manscape and moisturize
RyanX92 0
Uh sorry to break it to you but you don't just get them from sex you can get them if you aren't clean such as not cleaning your junk proporly not wearing clean underwear. Not saying your unclean it could be her too. But that's wishful thinking could be the worse as well.