Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
Hammer940 7
Better break out the old bay seasoning
juicifer 0
"Yeah ya know..I just hit'em with the shampoo.." *Carl*
Allymeme 3
how is it possible to have had sex with only one person? thats pathetic
DjeePee 25
No, that's called 'good luck', 'hard work' and 'another moral than you'.
tj4234 36
just coz you've been used more times than the buttons on my keyboard doesn't mean that everyone else is the same...
amanda_d95 9
thats ok, i just recently found outnmy mom has herpies
awkward_turtles 1
Unless you're having sex with your mom (*shudder*), I don't think that is as big of a problem.
chuko1014 0
this sounds like an episode of HOUSE
steelrain0811 0
She's a *****
UhLeeUh 6
sorry to hear that.. ._.
liquidkittens 0
Shenanigans!
nightwolf86 7
Sounds like you married a *****.
jobsman99 0
well here is how you get rid of crabs. shave one side of your pubic hair then set the other half on fire. when the crabs come running out stab them with an ice pick. or like the army song " break out the old blue ointment, much to the crabs disappointment". and then get a daily ******** from your wife.