Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
HowBoutYouShutUp 7
I reeaaally wanna tell ya how to get rid of it, but I'm sure you've got it covered . Thank goodness for health projects ;o)
shooterbuddy 8
Your hot x
apt1234 3
Dude you need a hall pass
Battle765 4
Hahaha I bet your super happy you waited for the right one now.
bretty_boieeeeyy 0
can't you get crabs from any number of places though?
Buttsexpirate 9
Did you or your wife have any dirty dicks lately?
mmmad 0
I guess Mr. Krabs don't live in bikini bottom anymore (spongbobsquarepants reference)
thewife5 19
That would of been funny if you didn't explain the reference
leadman1989 16
Don't want to be mean, but get tested for other stuff too. Just in case it wasn't from a toilet seat.
percyh 0
Ruuunnnnnnnnn!
imaninja1 9
U can get crabs from like a public toilet seat
charlotte100 2
U can get crabs from sharing clothes, towels, sheets etc. So don't start pointing fingers yet.