Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
EmmyBabe_fml 0
I think you have a reason to be crabby with her....
ugottaluvme 0
Really? I couldnt put that together
borkchop1992 15
just statin the obvious
sydneyaval 9
Thats punny...;)
usmcjarhead94 0
hahaha
borkchop1992 15
your wife has crabs
XxFA1LxX 4
aha
dearbarn 0
Haha
skinthesnakes 6
i guess you have a "crabby patty"!
Banana_Pancakes6 0
That would only work if his or his wives name was Patty...
skinthesnakes 6
hmmm her name is now patty, do you hear that jimmy your wife's name is now patty. that is all.
SerenaSerenadex3 13
In bikini, rather 'boxer' bottom because OP is a male.
Dusty_Busters 15
Lame
hiyourcute 0
My health teacher got crabs from a dorm bed, or so he claims... But anyways, you can get it other ways than sex
F0xyTurtle 8
Why would your teacher announce that he has crabs to the class?
hiyourcute 0
I think he considered it a teachable moment
dearbarn 0
Well look at the bright side crabs isn't forever
GarysMom725 10
Ooops!
jellybeans4833 7
You should be like "I just got diagnosed with crabs, and unless you tell me the truth i will bring a real crab and put it on you"
higgy6969 7
Holy shit that has to be one of the worst comments ever posted. Are you in 6th grade this year?
skinthesnakes 6
cool story bro. tell it at parties?
awkward_turtles 1
Don't hate on sixth graders :P. They can come up with better stuff than that.
slipperyeyebrow 0
I got gonorrhea and I'm not whining. hey, I'm so generous I share it.
frankboy 0
u sound proud.
juanitad 3
Your damn nasty.....thank god I'm married and my husbands scared of me.
perdix 31
Your wife was just trying to bring in some experience into your sex life. I'll bet ******* your ignorant, boring, prudish ass must be as dull as dirt. Let her learn the reverse cowgirl and ball-sucking and you'll be happy with the results if you don't ask too many questions.
zachherbert 10
Yous Gots dem Krusty Krabs.