Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML
Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML
Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML
Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
I can’t help but feel like you’re kind of getting yourself stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy here. You get a random diamond cutter event that’s just your nervous system doing a systems check since you usually have a go around this time, it freaks you out, and from there you locked yourself into a “don’t think about pink elephants” situation until you’ve reinforced your body’s assumption that hey, this is usually diamond cutting time, get to it. Maybe a sex therapist can help you out here, but if they can’t, there’s no shame in hiring someone to take care of that the other way.
JaneSimple 28
Squeezing your thigh/butt muscles will make it go away. (I've heard)
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Comments (2)
Anderling 33
I can’t help but feel like you’re kind of getting yourself stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy here. You get a random diamond cutter event that’s just your nervous system doing a systems check since you usually have a go around this time, it freaks you out, and from there you locked yourself into a “don’t think about pink elephants” situation until you’ve reinforced your body’s assumption that hey, this is usually diamond cutting time, get to it. Maybe a sex therapist can help you out here, but if they can’t, there’s no shame in hiring someone to take care of that the other way.
JaneSimple 28
Squeezing your thigh/butt muscles will make it go away. (I've heard)