Today, my wife and I are moving cross-country. At a rest stop, my wife complained of foot pain. I said, "Use your cruise control" and she replied "What's that?" I spent the next 10 mins teaching my 30-year-old wife what cruise control is, how it works, and how it differs from Tesla's autopilot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my wife to not drive our car as it has a steering problem and is starting to shake. I got home from work to see it had a flat tire, and asked her if she went anywhere. She'd thought I was exaggerating and went out for coffee. I've been a mechanic for 7 years. FML
Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML
Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML
Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML
Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML
Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML
Today, I caught a ride with a coworker in their new Mercedes. They spent the drive passionately talking about how it made them a better driver and all the people that say otherwise are idiots. After running three stop signs and nearly sideswiping a minivan, I decided to walk the last mile. FML
Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML
Today, unbeknownst to me, my wife cancelled our airplane tickets because she didn't want to face her fear of flying like we had agreed. Now, we're going to have to take another week off so I can drive 3000 miles cross country, while she sleeps in the shotgun seat because her licence expired. FML
Today, after 7 hours of driving, I begged my wife to take over for the last 3 hours. She pulled out a flask and took a long swig, then smirked at me. I drove the rest of the way. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
In that situation I’m not sure if teaching your wife about cruise control would be a good or a bad idea. To use cruise control effectively in any traffic requires paying a lot of attention to the traffic ahead and tweaking the cruise speed up and down as required. It saves your feet and legs, but in some ways actually requires more attention and anticipation. People have different abilities in different areas. We are not all alike, and in reality it’s a good thing - Otherwise life would get boring,
1known 34
Just you.
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Comments (5)
Chazzster 32
In that situation I’m not sure if teaching your wife about cruise control would be a good or a bad idea. To use cruise control effectively in any traffic requires paying a lot of attention to the traffic ahead and tweaking the cruise speed up and down as required. It saves your feet and legs, but in some ways actually requires more attention and anticipation. People have different abilities in different areas. We are not all alike, and in reality it’s a good thing - Otherwise life would get boring,
slkeithh 14
We may not all be alike, but in this instance, OP's wife sounds especially stupid.
RichardPencil 32
RTFM Read the F-f-f-fine manual! Whenever you get a car, you should read the owner's manual from cover-to-cover. Doesn't everyone do that, or is it just me?
1known 34
Just you.
core01 30
You and my husband lol
Glitterbaby2613 20
ok so she deserves to be made fun of cause she doesn't know what cruise control is? is it really that big if a deal?
kateannobrien 23
First off - So somehow you ‘teaching’ your wife to do something leads to you having a ‘****** life ‘?!?!?!? Cruise control is not something created to allow you to not pay attention or take your foot off of the controls completely. And ‘knowing how’ to use cruise control in a vehicle doesn’t make you a good driver. Faulting someone for not knowing it doesn’t make you a better driver either.
heliosphere 1
He’s saying FML because his wife is so clueless she’s never heard of a basic driving tool. Helpless adults who have little experience of the world is real…and sad.