Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me lactate. I'm a 6' tattooed guy with a boxing competition coming up soon. I'm never going to hear the end of this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got my medical checkup back. Apparently, I'm diagnosed with a liver condition generally found in alcoholics. I've never drank in my life. FML
Today, I found out that I'm highly-placed in my wrestling competition this year. I also found out that I have mono and won't be able to take part for at least the first half of the competition. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for a sports physical. I've had a giant, dark birthmark on my left ribcage that I've hated most of my life. Recently I've learned to embrace it and show it off by wearing bikinis. My doctor saw it and told me it's a fungus that's been spreading on my side all my life. FML
Today, I discovered that I have developed a latex allergy. I'm a third year medical student. FML
Today, I went to the gym to run. I ended up at the hospital because i went into anaphylactic shock. Apparently I'm allergic to exercise now. FML
Today, two days before a big weight lifting competition with a $3,000 grand prize, I broke my arm. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. My whole family thought it would be hilarious to call it, "Lame disease." FML
Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML
Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML
Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Drink your own breast milk. It's supposedly good for building muscle. Soon you'll be having your opponents begging for your secret.
askullnamedbilly 33
Just tell the haters your body's in such good shape even your nipples are crying at the sight of it!
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Comments (92)
Welshite 40
Drink your own breast milk. It's supposedly good for building muscle. Soon you'll be having your opponents begging for your secret.
Supaviper 14
Does anyone remember that FML where a guy asked his friend for breast milk? Drink your own milk OP - that sounds so wrong on so many levels - and if anyone laughs, show them your muscle.
HappyItalian 38
#9 That's exactly the first thing I thought of. Except I was thinking more of that angry follow-up the OP left in all caps.
yenze 18
ARNOLD HIMSELF DRINKS THE STUFF
Icefire9461 7
Oh ya I remember that one... Ya that op got reeeeally mad... wonder if he's on here?
DoomedGemini 38
If he is maybe he can buy some of this op's milk
tounces7 28
I'm not entirely convinced that your body can create a net gain on nutrients it produces itself. I mean - since his body is creating the milk - one would assume he's using up nutrients to do so, and digesting them again would merely replace some of them.
Talis99 26
I want to know this story. Anyone care to repeat it?
Supaviper 14
#54 You have a point, But I'm guessing if OP's body can support producing milk, then he'd already be strong? Oh god we need a doctor here. #73 There was this bodybuilder who asked one of his female friends for breast milk, and then realized how creepy/weird that sounded, and then posted an FML. He then posted a follow-up, in all caps, describing the text he sent her, her shock, and that they probably won't be friends anymore. It was hilarious because of the all-caps thing, and then Alan responded "STOP SHOUTING". Good times xD
primadonna9396 16
No, it really can't. At least not calorie for calorie. But if one only had access to junk food for a few days and drank their own breast milk in addition to that, they'd be better off than if they didn't. And of course if someone was beginning to starve but still producing breast milk, there's no reason not to drink it again if they don't have to feed a baby with it. FYL, OP. Unless it's from steroid abuse in which case you most definitely deserve it.
Cheddarface 1
that's a good way to milk it for all it's worth
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Got milk?
THEDUDE1553566 24
If anyone laughs...knock them out! Lol just kidding op I hope you do well
Googolman 29
I bet it would really throw off your opponent.
sturschaedel 27
Yeah, his body will be extra slick, so no punch will stick!
sooner3019 12
Hey if it tastes good no problem, right?
askullnamedbilly 33
Just tell the haters your body's in such good shape even your nipples are crying at the sight of it!
thisisthestupid 18
Steroids do that
yenze 18
Do they really though?
Mauskau 36
See if you can get away with wearing a tank or vest top, and maybe put plasters on your nipples to soak up anything that comes out?
askullnamedbilly 33
OP could even put on pasties with images of old gold coins and call himself 'The Treasure Chest'.
laden_swallow09 35
Wouldn't wearing a top only draw more attention to the fluids building up there? Unless they blast him with a firehose beforehand…
Pixelatedpotato 28
Sweaty nipples?
nurse123 7
They have pads specifically for
miss_fluffybutt 17
Well, now you can really milk the competition!
lysx84 24
Work it to your advantage - "I've mastered masculine, now watch as I take the next step..." Y'know, I can feel the wrong-ness here...