Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned how awful intertrigo smells. I spent a ton of money and years of my life to become a health care provider apparently to treat the yeast infection between an obese woman's fat folds. FML
Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML
Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, my doctor informed me that my severe body odor has no cure, no treatments, and is caused by… eating food. Not any specific food, just food. So either I can stop eating entirely, or I can smell like rotting fish in an outhouse. FML
Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML
Today, after several days of deep-cleaning my house, I found a huge section of my room covered in black mold. I almost puked when I saw it. Not only could that have put anyone in the hospital, but it also explains why I've been getting sick all the time as of late. FML
Today, my mom finally believed me when I said I smelled mold. I lifted up the couch, and it was covered in mold. So were the bottoms of all our furniture, our beds, and my grandma's vintage chair. We've been living in mold for the past 4 months. FML
Today, I noticed a disgusting, cheesy smell and spent all day wondering what it was. I later found out that it wasn't coming from my feet, but from my belly button. My surgery wound got infected. I'm a germaphobe. FML
Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
At least you finally understand now. Sad that your smell is what convinced you rather than the diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, osteoarthritis, coronary artery disease, and stroke. Now if only I could figure out a way to make bad drivers stink so they finally realise they suck at driving...
icrest80 4
Time to hit the gym...and then the showers
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Comments (81)
JasonLTR4 4
Er...mah...gerd!
beccaishereyay 11
Don't do that here
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Oh the pressures of being first ;)
mintcar 10
I was eating a Panera sandwich when I read this. FML.
Futacy 30
According to an ad on the right of my computer screen, elliptical prices are reaching an all-time low.
onlychildFTW 34
What a waste of first. But anyways, OP, you just need to learn to clean yourself better. You just aren't showering properly or enough. But this might also be a good time to lose weight. It will be better for your self-esteem and you'll be healthier.
doctorhook86 25
9: Nobody should do that anywhere. 23: Very clever!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Is it an unwritten rule that the first comment has to be the pinnacle of all responses, a philosophical masterpiece, the zenith of mankind's intellect, or so powerful that somewhere in Ancient Greece someone jizzes themselves??
ALlamaOnFire 20
71 - yes, yes it is.
jayenessa1 5
Wow...
Futacy 30
You put a lot of thought into that, didn't you?
CaptainDoorknob 7
27 - It would most definitely appear so.
icrest80 4
Time to hit the gym...and then the showers
gc327072 31
But watch out for the guy in orange!
ApacheC424 18
May want to hit the shower first actually....
gracehi 33
Shower, then gym, then shower again!
brittanyayy 8
That's why you lean when cleaning yourself it'll flatten the rolls out on one side :)
kmikelg 1
Experience? Lol
jetsown08 21
7- Yeah, cuz she looks SO fat in her picture, right?
TheSuperSpicer 6
Errr, you should probably take care of that.. At least lift them up and wash under them once in a while..?
DocBastard 40
At least you finally understand now. Sad that your smell is what convinced you rather than the diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, osteoarthritis, coronary artery disease, and stroke. Now if only I could figure out a way to make bad drivers stink so they finally realise they suck at driving...
icrest80 4
Thanks for the diagnosis doc!
doctorhook86 25
Forget the smell, Doc. OP deserves it just for being in denial about his own obesity (and by extension, his health).
TheDrifter 24
I considered hurling human waste at them Doc, but I haven't found a suitable storage system for pre throw transport yet.
0RedPenguin0 8
You gotta clean between your fat rolls too
Tuffay 14
My ex daughter in-law, used to put clothe diapers in her fat rolls to soak up the molding sweat! Nastiest thing I ever smelled, and my smelling of it was not intentional.
darawbs 0
Dude... That's disgusting... :S
mrperspire 4
Ya. I'd want to be anonymous too. Time to eat healthier.
BeforeItWasCool 12
You deserved it, you're in control of what you eat, and how much you exercise. Hopefully this is what you need to shed the weight and become healthier. Good luck OP!
PaperUmbrellas 4
You're not sure it's OP's fault. A medication I'm on made me gain almost 100 pounds in a year, even with diet and exercise on my part, desperately trying to at least slow it down. The mold however, they definitely deserved.
BeforeItWasCool 12
Sure, it's often a genetic or medical thing, but I'd say if that were the case you'd have already come to terms with being obese. I say OP deserved it because from the wording, it seems OP has been ignoring the problem, something you'd do if it were a choice.
doctorhook86 25
18: The OP deserved it because of his attitude; the stink-mold in his fat rolls is just incidental. OP shouldn't have been in denial about his own obesity. If he'd been aware of the state of his health, he'd very likely wouldn't be obese.
mintcar 10
You have a fungal species living and growing in your fat rolls? That is pretty gross. How do you miss something like that? I hope this is a wake up call, please take better care of yourself. Dat hyphae.