Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, I dressed up in new lingerie I had bought to surprise my partner. He said "what do you want? Just go to bed instead". So much for that new confidence. FML.
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML
Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML
Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML
Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML
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Top comments
Tucatz 0
And in the meantime his friends hung out in the driveway, right? Pure class that is. Be glad the jackass is gone.
Bubs_fml 0
Sounds like he deserves a Falcon Punch.
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Comments (137)
Vehicle 1
Yeah. Asshole. Oh wow. I would have popped him one. Seek some revenge!!!
whynotlive 0
wow i would have punched him
jSOPURE 3
Did you at least have an ******? Everybody talks about the Falcon Punch, but what about a Chuck Norris Roundhouse? Surely it's effective. =X
justjayit 0
Disagree with #1, depends on how long you were together and how committed you thought you both were. Anyways, that guy is such an ass. Burn his house down.
Logica42 0
Dayum. Prick. You have my condolences, but I'm also quite happy for you-- now, the jackass is out of your life. :D
antimony 0
he's a smart guy, i envy him
katzgoboom 0
#2: You sure she even KNOWS what a Falcon Punch is?
kaykaytea_ 0
tell him you're preggo! totally scare that jackass OUT of his pants (though sounds like he doesn't spend much time in them!) falcon punch FTW!
rwarlol 0
#3 who would notice he's probably a 10 sec man.
podrummer9209 0
Oh come on, I'd've at least given him blue balls for that shit. Anyone who has a girl willing to dress up.... or down.. or not at all... idk, wtf would you call dressing up all naughty and stuff? *shrug* Anyway, his loss.