Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, I dressed up in new lingerie I had bought to surprise my partner. He said "what do you want? Just go to bed instead". So much for that new confidence. FML.
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML
Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML
Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML
Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML
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Top comments
Tucatz 0
And in the meantime his friends hung out in the driveway, right? Pure class that is. Be glad the jackass is gone.
Bubs_fml 0
Sounds like he deserves a Falcon Punch.
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Comments (137)
FusioN_fml 0
he used you like rented mule
braFTW 0
Tell him you're pregnant and that's what that romantic night was all about..
havocnyc 0
i agree with #2 about the falcon punch or #23 it you really wanna **** with him for being a douche
Bear_Sandwich 0
hells yes, falcon pawnch. do it.
Had_Better_Days 0
Tell him that you have an STD and that he has it toooo And props for the falcon puch
blahnoopoo 0
#1 a little harsh..but I agree....only an asshole would sleep with the girl first than break up with her. HMMMMMM
Nakedsquirrel 5
Surprised he still broke up with you. Trying to go through with a breakup while your girlfriend is making you horny and wanting sex is a total mindfuck.
Tehalon 0
Tell him you have AIDS because you cheated on him with some1 and now he prolly has it too.
gleidu77 0
seriously, are you even upset that you guys broke up? who brings their friends along to wait in the driveway while he dumps his girlfriend? that is pure class. what a douche.
Failercoptor 0
Life sucks, and then you die. have more sex.
hiitisbrooke 28
reeeeeaaallly?!? A Twilight reference?