Autumn
🌶️ Spicy
TMI
Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Noname
United States
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
bf.
London, Canada
Good one
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Very funny, Dad
Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML
bloom
France
Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML
yellowthumb
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he regularly pees in our vegetable garden "to give the plants nitrates". FML
veggiedude
San Francisco, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Spicy date
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
BadLuckCarson
Muscatine, United States
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
stoopidpoop
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML
Anonymous
All grown up
Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML
soontobedumped
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Love and threats
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Top comments
TeachAllTheMath 19
Are you growing anything she likes? You might need to put a fence up to keep her out.
RichardPencil 32
Is your dad in a coma or something?
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Comments (22)
exileonmainst 16
Some more than others I assume. Cucumbers and maybe aborigines would fare well, but what would you do with a turnip or a beetroot?
exileonmainst 16
*aubergines Although I’m sure aborigines would do well in the bedroom as well. Also, let us be able to edit our ******* comments already!
iny0urjuicebox 7
well, youre not wrong about the aborigines. Once you go black, you never go back
TCRII 30
Technically, a vegetable is the leafy part of a plant. So, does she want some spinach in the bedroom?
TeachAllTheMath 19
Are you growing anything she likes? You might need to put a fence up to keep her out.
Glowworm56 27
If she means cucumbers and tomatoes, those are technically fruit. Perhaps a carrot or a long stalk of celery would do.
RichardPencil 32
They have fixed this controversy. They say things like tomatoes are botanically a fruit and a culinary vegetable. I think that’s a good fix of the problem.
RichardPencil 32
Is your dad in a coma or something?
Lobby_Bee 18
Loves vegetables in the bathroom, but not for eating.
manb91uk 22
Fair warning - if she ever turns you down for sex, there’s a 76.34% chance she’ll be shoving a cucumber up her ass.
articwolf2 17
Man your dad must be a heavy sleeper!
wmayrhofer 18
Guess she would do it in front of your salad.
Soraia Nour Abdulbaki 2
Did she say she liked eggplants? Did she ask you to grow something for her ?