Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the car shop called me and told me an 8 year-old boy stole my car and wrecked it. FML
Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML
Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while in the supermarket car park. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed, and "FUCK YOU" was written on my windshield. FML
Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML
Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML
Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML
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Top comments
drippingfaucet 0
smart kid
ugh_a_lug 7
he could lift a pumpkin onto your car?
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Comments (199)
goalie001 0
I smell an ass whooping
yuggi1 11
With a belt? Hmm...if OP was Spanish he would had beaten the brat's ass with a slipper. FYI :o
biskitbukit 7
That's messed up, you obviously upset him and he's too sensitive.
theshocker09 1
what a lazy kid. couldn't go down the street and egg someone else's house?
clemcool_fml 0
I hope you whipped that ass. then stood over him and made him clean it up. and if there was any kind of damage to the car, "x" amount of weekends spent grounded and responsible for extra chores until the debt was repaid. though if your 8 year old is this evil now, something tells me strict and consistent punishment have not been a part of his past.
at1325 0
I reiterate my comment I made on the fml above, parents need to beat their children more.
AddyMilla 0
gotta love it!
xxxviii 5
I am trying to find the 2nd 1/2 of this story. I am sure it would go like this if the OP had finished it. So I made him scrub the house, clean the car, yard and then took him into the house and spanked the dog snot out of the little heathen. I guess in the end I should be trying to find a FML that looks like this. Today, I was caught egging my own house and trashing my parents car and yard. Had the shit smacked out of me and had to clean mess......FML.. and then of course 99% of you would be down his neck YDI !!!! And not so worried about him being "spanked".........
Crimsonhead 0
You're actually bitching about the way YOU raised YOUR child? F his life, and societies, to which he is bound to be a burden.
iKrazy 0
******' kid -_- FYL, poison some candies if he comes back! LOL
madrabbit 3
I assume that he got an epic ass beating that he will tell his grandchildren about.