Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML
Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML
Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I was on a packed bus when my phone rang. I tried to answer, but my wired earbuds got tangled. I tugged too hard, yanking my phone out of my hand. It flew forward, smacked a man in the forehead, then bounced into a stranger’s coffee cup. FML
Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML
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Top comments
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why the hell would that be your first reaction? "Somebody tapped my shoulder - I'm gonna punch their nuts!"
Lucious306 7
You're way too paranoid
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Comments (136)
Lucious306 7
You're way too paranoid
xlord 27
Every stranger on the internet must be a pedophile, a stranger on the street must be a rapist, everyone these days are so paranoid.
ShyAnn29 15
Well, when you're not expecting someone to touch you, it can really startle you!
gc327072 31
29- you either say "@16" or "16-" before a reply. Don't mean to be a bore, but I was seriously confused.
LolFMLnot 10
Paranoid or not , sounds like a start of love story to me.
dylanmurre 4
are you black by any chance?
spiritfang11237 16
...I must seem worse with my initial reaction to a stranger confronting me. My initial thought is usually, "Holy hell! A serial killer!" Must be all those episodes of Crimminal Minds getting to me.
sjdbeinska 4
at least OP now knows chasing that dream of hers to become a ninja may not be so unrealistic! :D
bwhahaha_fml 10
I'm curious op... What would you do if you turned around to sack someone only to find it's a girl... Assuming she's a serial killer turning around only would make the murder easy for her.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why the hell would that be your first reaction? "Somebody tapped my shoulder - I'm gonna punch their nuts!"
imavelociraptor 6
OP must live in a REALLY bad neighborhood
ptoka 20
She must make friends with guys really easily with that kind of response
osteobabe 13
No, research shows that many rapists grab girls by the hand... not exactly a scary gesture.
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah because someone tapping you on the shoulder obviously has devious intentions...
annie_nk 23
When my friends husband started open carrying, he became SUPER paranoid. In the store, she was feeling playful and tried grabbing his butt. He freaked out and threw his arm back to punch which resulted in her getting a black eye from his elbow. He thought someone was trying to pull his gun out of the holster. Which was on his right hip and she grabbed his left butt check and was standing to his left. So I can see how someone can get that paranoid if they work themselves up over it. Like the possibility of the "shoulder tapping racist" lol.
Llama_Face89 34
66- because a random stranger on the street grabbing your hand wouldn't set off warning bells?
habibiiiiiii 2
At least op knows how to defend herself
shadow10262000 7
Maybe he shouldn't be carrying if he is that paranoid. Next time he might just grab the gun and shoot
junkman6 22
Yes because muggers and rapists always tap your shoulder to get your attention before they grab you! Great ninja reflexes OP.
Psych101 9
*Tap Tap* "Excuse me kind sir, would you mind relinquishing your possessions to me now? Thank you ever so much. Have a good day."
gc327072 31
"Excuse me sir, do you have a moment for our Lord and-" *oomf*
ShyAnn29 15
Maybe OP has had a bad experience in the past, that could explain OPs reaction.
MDTeddy 13
I don't need my wallet right now so feel free to borrow it.
aperfectxdeath 3
Well she was wearing headphones and you can't mug someone if you don't have their attention...how do they hand over their things if they don't know it's happening?
fireice22 0
How soon?
BlowinChronic 18
Thanks for the useless comment... Now get thumbed down to oblivion.
ruabadfishtoo 0
um 36...I'm just going to point out that your comment was just as useless. It was definitely not needed.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Cheese.
CaptainDoorknob 7
I think 4 is trying to ask whether OP had already hit his nuts before finding out.
fireice22 0
Well one person understood.....
aaronfuegopop 7
So now you look like a dick.
kdog333 1
thats what they call a "dick move".
mpsteve137 15
You should get punched in the tit then
Feared 9
Just the tit though. No boob.
ninjadinos 14
Her third one, too!
FMLandurstoo 9
Under her armpit!
oj101 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
GUYS!! He probably did it by accident after turning around too quickly by being surprised.
Cartera 10
she*
hockeychicl003 6
if you noticed she said she turned around to punch him in the crotch and that doesnt sound like an accident
KiddNYC1O 22
8- You think? Still doesn't justify her reaction.
MorganBrown 8
Well, 'by mistake' you can always punch her back in the butt and yell, "surprise butt secks?"
supimnyancat 9
At least you have ninja reflexes.
Mearemoi 14
Why the hell was your first reaction to hit him?
Mearemoi 14
Whoops, didn't see #2's comment.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
You're fine! :)
Shrike 24
... *focuses binoculars above*
SnowFlakeInAK 7
*put eyeballs right in front of binoculars* It's a chicken.