Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the car shop called me and told me an 8 year-old boy stole my car and wrecked it. FML
Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML
Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while in the supermarket car park. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed, and "FUCK YOU" was written on my windshield. FML
Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML
Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML
Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML
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Top comments
drippingfaucet 0
smart kid
ugh_a_lug 7
he could lift a pumpkin onto your car?
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Comments (199)
Bikrbum 6
No Trick or Treating for that kid!
sloppy3301 3
yeah his prob like " why didn't I get treats from u bitch !"
the8888 0
ydi for molesting him an having him get revenge
Selena_is_back 7
hitting a kid doesn't get you anywhere... probably to jail.
yuggi1 11
Grab the kid and drive him straight to an orphanage. You are welcome! ;)
Selena_is_back 7
I sure hope that was sarcasm...
yuggi1 11
...sure you can! OP can lie to the orphanage staff into admitting his evil seed. Then kill his wife and himself so the kid would be a legal orphan. - Just a method.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Actually, few of the kids in orphanages, back when they were still called that, had deceased parents. Most of the parents just couldn't afford to raise them, or the kids were born out of wedlock and adopted out, so the mom wouldn't have to bear the stigma.
all4pooh 4
lies!!!
alexxss_fml 10
haha kick ass son yo
DGAFprincess 0
so make him clean it up and ground his bratty ass! it's your fault you kid is a shit head!
DGAFprincess 0
and that I something I'll never understand. spanking isn't child abuse! it's discipline!
wckdinten 0
lol that sucks
wckdinten 0
lol that sucks