Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the car shop called me and told me an 8 year-old boy stole my car and wrecked it. FML
Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML
Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while in the supermarket car park. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed, and "FUCK YOU" was written on my windshield. FML
Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML
Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML
Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML
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Top comments
drippingfaucet 0
smart kid
ugh_a_lug 7
he could lift a pumpkin onto your car?
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Comments (199)
mahimalil 0
how could u raise ur kid like that !!!
Fortuitous 0
How could you type with a space before punctuation?! You have offended me so ******* much; now I'll have to egg my own house and smash my own car. Look what you've done! All you had to do was keep those thumbs off the spacebar...
Selena_is_back 7
Besides the spacebar, apparently he was too lazy to type "you" and "your" completely.
KiddNYC1O 22
Let's just hope #16 doesn't teach their kid to write like that.
Greenpenguin999 7
ydi for being such an asshole to your kid that he would do that.
tmmundy 17
really? what makes u think he did something to his child to make him do that? some children are just stupid and do stupid things!! it doesn't mean it's the parents fault...I'm sure u did dumb shit when u were younger, what did ur parents do to u to make u do stupid shit?
larrena2377 26
Sometimes it's the child that's the asshole..not the parents
Devin91 20
sounds like me (:
JocelynKaulitz 28
You should have let her go trick-or-treating. Shame on you!
duhh10 0
OP's 8 year old is a boy.
Goofysk8er 4
maybe you should have given him candy.
Selena_is_back 7
Let me guess, you didn't buy him an iPhone too???
elmorous 0
An 8 year old with an iPhone seems like a bad idea. BTW, you look like a girl I went to school with ... her mom was from Old San Juan.
Selena_is_back 7
my Mom's from Mayaguez... :/ idk.
CoachLlama 5
Wow, looking forward to the delightful things he plans to do in about 10 more years.
Steplo 5
Well that's great! Now you know who gets to clean it up. There's no mystery.
bman134 0
agreed
My_Deathbed 0
well time for some medieval torture. That will teach him....
CitizenSnipz 0
THE ROBOT DISAPPROVES.
Selena_is_back 7
ROBOTS HAVE NO FEELINGS... OR WEAR PANTS.
zp5 4
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ROBOTS CAN WEAR PANTS WHENEVER THEY WANT. STUPID.
Selena_is_back 7
NO THEY CAN'T!!! DO YOUR ROBOT RESEARCH!!
yuggi1 11
Why would they need pants?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
SO PEOPLE DONT JUDGE THEM ON THE SIZE OF THEIR HARDDRIVE!
yuggi1 11
Yeah well, I bet they prefer their wires sticking out ;).