Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML
Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML
Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
It now owns your car, sorry.
riddle143 15
Well crap... Time to burn that car
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Comments (90)
ComoEsJuan 24
It now owns your car, sorry.
JBChristian 47
Why toilet paper?
ComoEsJuan 24
In case of a mess.
NinjaDitto623 14
#34, The real question here is why not?
riddle143 15
Well crap... Time to burn that car
jerryj 27
No point. The roach would survive.
iLike2Teabag 27
OP if you do burn the car, remember: cool guys don't look at explosions.
itwasthedognotme 14
Love the way OP says 'long drive home' like damn I would wanna make that trip as fast as possible GIMME A SPEED BOOST
Kyle1dc 17
#30 Said cool guy doesn't see the roach coming in at ramming speed right behind him...
ArturoRamirez 16
The panic begins when it disappears not when it appears.
JoshuahColins 19
I'm pretty sure the windshield wipers would have been a better idea! Better buy a new car OP XD
Mauskau 36
It was inside the car, hence it now being lost inside the dark car.
addictedtoIASIP 14
Buy it did say that it clicked across his windshield
JBChristian 47
Windshields have two sides.
JoshuahColins 19
Misread the FML. It happens...
JBChristian 47
Misunderstood*
sayyestothedress 24
I never knew that cockroaches had wings! It's a disgusting thought!
gracehi 33
"I don't always fly, but when I do I scare the shit out of everybody."
DeltaDragonxx 20
they're like grasshoppers, they don't use em much but when they do, you better make like a flock of seagulls and run so far away.
annie_nk 23
Or an actual flock of seagulls come and eat them.
DeltaDragonxx 20
never said they were, I said they seldom use their wings
DeltaDragonxx 20
and if you see a 3 inch bug flying at you, you aren't going to say, hey that's a grasshopper
rchjr2106 7
Cockroaches don't have wings. Palmetto bugs do though. They look like cockroaches.
Mauskau 36
Well they're one of the only things in Australia not trying to kill you.
JBChristian 47
But it's the exact opposite going through OP's mind XD.
JJ_86 22
Well, they are kind of perfect species. The one which survived through eras where other species got wiped out. They can live on very little food and bloody ******* survive with the head cut of for over a month. You are screwed OP. Just pray it doesn't reproduce in your car (Evil laugh).
joeyl2008 29
It's coming for you!
mrwilsong 6
Try not to let it bug you.
dannyoshea 7
That comment made my day
Dreamsorrow93 24
It's watching you.
tony1891 22
like a hook arm stabbing machine? interesting
Wizardo 34
Put a brick on the gas and dive bomb it into the bay, only option left really.