Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
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Top comments
jonn090 13
Is it me or do I smell a game of COD Nazi zombies?
thejewishfuhrer 17
Don't forget to double tap. Oh and always wear your seatbelt.
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Comments (118)
jonn090 13
Is it me or do I smell a game of COD Nazi zombies?
xXxIracebethxXx 14
I think it's just you 'cause I smell bacon.
FaZeClan 3
How about bacon and COD, pretty good combination.
Platfoot 0
dont forget to run the syndicate rape train! all aboard!!!!
Takesown690 3
*slow clap*
darkgodxvx 4
Drunken gnat-zee zombies after breaking into the neighbor's pool and getting chicken Mcnuggets at 1 am sure do bring up some good memories...
thatguyyx 4
My first thought too lol
thejewishfuhrer 17
Don't forget to double tap. Oh and always wear your seatbelt.
KiddNYC1O 22
Good ol' cardio.
thecuriouswho15 0
Always warm up before cardio!:0p
seriouslythat 6
Don't forget your twinkies
Dimence 9
No bathrooms!
ZooMzy 9
96- You ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gazelle?
crimsonprodigy 15
That's a pretty awesome father tbh, lol.
avaricecynthia 0
An "awesome father" does not burst into your house drunk at 4 in the morning. If that's your idea of an awesome dad, you're an idiot.
The_DoritoNinja 4
Always stick to a sword or a really big knife instead of a gun. Swords and knifed never have to reload.
crimsonprodigy 15
Or a crossbow if you want silent ranged weaponry :)
hubla 0
It's not silent it has reverberations which means it vibrates like when some one strikes a tuning fork haha
hubla 0
I'll smother the zombies one at a time with my pillow pet that will be my silent weapon haha
wlddog 14
Piano wire. That's pretty silent. But I am not sure how well it would work on zombies. Maybe if they all stood in a line and waited their turn to die. That would be handy.
owlfeatures 8
You need a heavy object like a baseball or cricket bat. Some zombies only die if you remove the head or destroy the brain... :)
owlfeatures 8
Or throw LPs at them... ^^
Platfoot 0
nice, from a fml this topic transferred into a weapon discusion forum!
callixto_fml 3
Lightsaber!
tobedd 13
Guns will only attract other walkers. Go for the cross bow or sword. I wouldn't suggest the breaking of necks because they'll just keep on going. Decapitation or severe brain damage is the only way to go.
MissHayleyJames 7
Hey they do make all sorts of Zombie Killer gear that they sell at Bass Pro Shop. I almost bought some Zombie Killer rounds for my rifle (just for fun) but they're freaking expensive.
hubla 0
As long as you separate the brain from the spine by breaking the neck or decapitation it will die I don't care what it is if the rest of the body can't receive messages then it can't move so if the heads still moving after its necks snapped but it can't walk towards me then I'll be perfectly fine
avaricecynthia 0
Because everyone has crossbows and swords, right?
ifoundalaska 11
Would you rather he'd not woken you up? I personally would like to be warned when the zombies have arrived.
stevenJB 25
Where was Alaska hiding? :)
shahroni1 3
so you are zombies
guitarbeast 22
Well better get your chainsaw
Birdie_Sage 0
No more thinking the zombie apocolypse would ever happen!
mattorama 15
You should be glad your dad is looking out for your welfare in the zombie apocalypse.
berichsoon 11
Permission to engage zombies, be ready here they come