Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I offered to drive my girlfriend's grandpa to the doctor. I thus learned my girlfriend's grandfather has a colostomy bag when it burst all over the inside of my truck. FML
Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML
Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML
Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said, "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML
Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
nanaprincess 7
quit whining. she obviously needed your help. grow up.
KELSEYJOHNSON23 5
She was probably embarrassed to ask you for help too, I'm sure she wasn't excited about it either.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (120)
nanaprincess 7
quit whining. she obviously needed your help. grow up.
ArcadePie 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
The way this is written makes me want to shit in ops mouth
Sebastian_NG 17
I was having breakfast while I read this one.... FML too
MagicallyFat 12
Always have to be nice to your grandma. She'll always love you no matter what. And half the time their nicer then mom :P
allard 14
What a shitty job that must've been. I bet your lunch tasted shit the 2nd time. I could go on with these shitty puns forever.
soccerguy2 11
Nobody wants to help with that for their grandma and I doubt you would want to so dont be a hypocrite. I know she needed the help but its still disgusting.
Alexisthebestest 16
Sure it's not ideal, but it's OP's grandma. She should be more than willing to help her out. Instead she's bitching about how she lost her "fabulous lunch" on FML.
blackheart24 10
Welll I agree that op shouldn't be making that big of a deal, but you can't blame op for being mad about throwing up. It's not like throwing up is fun... It totally sucks.
EmmaLois 0
Well you would react the same way just saying.
Alexisthebestest 16
No, I wouldn't. OP is being over dramatic.
blackheart24 10
So you'd be overjoyed to help your grandma with that? I'm not saying that I wouldn't, but I don't think I'd be too psyched. It's more of an obligation than actually being happy to do it. Unless you like that shit ;) Tehe
pyromania21 0
haha best way to get her back take a huge dump then ask her to wipe ur ass
nanaprincess 7
no def not. I'd suck it up. because if my gramma has to use one, I'd know something is wrong and I need to cherish every moment I had with her. so your wrong. :]
kevinjm 0
I agree. My great grandpa had a C-bag. When it's someone you love, help them and be polite and discrete. When it's someone you don't know, you should help them like you do love them.
KELSEYJOHNSON23 5
She was probably embarrassed to ask you for help too, I'm sure she wasn't excited about it either.
ShakeMeDown 12
Old people are never embarrassed. When I'm old I'm going to walk around naked everywhere. Who will be the evil person to get onto a poor confused old guy?
williamh_fml 0
Eat shit?
xlord 27
I don't know why you would come to that conclusion or question but you must be a very disturbed person...
xlord 27
Sorry it double posted and I don't think you can delete a comment. Soo ummm yea.... (walks away slowly)
RavagedSoul 0
Your logic is wrong 3. She will be eating puke. Eating shit would be "2 girls 1 cup"
ikickgingers 15
23 - I damn you for bringing that up... Just threw up in my mouth, thanks..
Torva_fml 16
23- hmm, I just got turned on... Sorry kicky. No, kidding... That's ******* gross...
sisteresss 12
Atleast you have your grandmother...
leadman1989 16
Grandma's aren't all sunshine and rainbow cakes you know. They are just people and some people are horrible people.
juliahockey 0
34) That is an awful thing to say! No matter what, your grandma will love you. You don't stop loving one of your kids randomly. Maybe they do not bake you cookies every day, but they still love you!
ellemmennohpea 0
45, have you ever read "Flowers in the Attic"?
ThreatenedOstric 7
When I was younger, my grandma beat me and my siblings with belts and wooden spoons. We have scars on our backs. She also enjoyed telling us just how much our parents didn't love us (that's why we lived with her). Eventually CPS came in and got us out. Point of the story: not all Grammys are all cookies and hugs.
ambamm135 7
63 I'm sorry that happened to you but I would say its safe to infer that ops grandma was cookies and hugs from what he quoted her saying. She just sounded like she needed some help
leadman1989 16
45. Grow up. That was the NICEST way I could think to put it. But it's the truth. My grandma's were wonderful and I love them but I have no illusion that some aren't.
WaitAndBleed01 0
She's your grandmother? Don't bitch cause people don't live forever take care of her and love her while you can
taran6 3
I agree op should appreciate the fact that her grandmother is still around unlike many of our grandparents
Alexisthebestest 16
I lost my grandpa to cancer when I was 14, he had helped raise me since I was born. I thought he was going to be there for me to get my license, go to prom, graduate high school, see my get married & have kids etc. People don't live forever, but I tried to believe they do. It hurts hearing my friends bitch and complain about their grandparents when I would do anything to have my grandpa back. I only have my Grandma now. I love helping her out 'cause she's all I've got. Be thankful, OP.
juliahockey 0
I agree. I never got to see my grandma. She died from lung cancer a month before I was born. Apparently she was great. I would have loved to see her :( Be lucky you have a grandmother, OP.
WaitAndBleed01 0
Too many people are selfish now days and only care about themselves
kellandj2019 7
that's so sad
kellandj2019 7
#46 I know your message was meaningful and all but your name describes me perfectly
BrittanyPernell6 0
So after you throw up your precious lunch get on with it and help your grandmother out while you still can. She won't be around forever sadly so help out when she needs you to and enjoy your time with her.
leadman1989 16
Maybe op threw up WHILE helping jackass. They never said they didn't.
FarSide 23
No doubt grandma was smiling when she used to change OP's shit and piss filled diapers, wipe your ass, and powder it. And she never lost her lunch.
leadman1989 16
40. You CAN'T stop yourself from throwing up it's a natural reaction! What was op supposed to do? Who said her grandma was there for her when she was young? If she was who says she didn't HATE changing diapers? This is a disgusting situation and if she absolutely can't do it her self she needs a nurse or to be in a home. But saying anything but awww with a slacked jaw will get me thumbs down after all silence the dissenters.
SookyTurner 4
Did anyone else google what a colostomy bag was?
BrittanyPernell6 0
(facepalm) -_-
xxxkittykatxxx 0
What? I did xD Wasn't the best job in the world, but it had to be done.
FarSide 23
No, everybody else knows the definition. You doucebag.
tweetypie 18
I did.
briannaahhhh 0
I don't know the definition?
ShyAnn29 15
No, because I have something similar, mine is an ileostomy bag. It's really not a big deal to change it.
XxSKELETOxX 0
OwO
hunterisblack 0
I didn't .
SookyTurner 4
Thankyou to the people who didnt know, im therefore not the only 'douchebag' for not knowing
ShyAnn29 15
You're not a douchebag for not knowing, it's not something you normally will learn about
xxxkittykatxxx 0
Suck it up--I helped my dad with his for two years.
3RR0R404 0
Remember karma, if you say no now, your grandchildren will say no to you as well. Appreciate the family you have. Some of us would love to help out our grandma. Too bad she died of cancer. Point being, cherish your life, and the life of those you love. The last time you talk to them could be the last time.
Frexual 0
I'm guessing she was totally pumped about it, as well? stop being such a total turd and respect her while she's with you.