Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML
Today, my grandmother loudly announced that she has a yeast infection. Under her breast. She attempted to show me. FML
Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML
Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML
Today, my granny had the phone on loudspeaker, talking to a friend. When the conversation turned from the price of potatoes to ticks in hard-to-reach places, I fleed into the garden. First thing granny tells me once I’m back: The details of how that tick was all the way up in her friend’s husband’s crotch. FML
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, I took my grandma to the hospital to visit her estranged husband who she hasn't seen in years. After a thoroughly disasterous visit, we're waiting in the carpark and my gran strokes my face and tells me I have a lot of facial hair. I thought she was going to thank me. And I'm a girl. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML
Today, I was feeling more and more sick, with significant pain in my abdomen. Nobody believed me, and my grandma told me to stop whinging and to eat something. I tried but started vomiting, and now I'm being rushed into surgery with an already necrotic appendix. FML
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
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Top comments
evilplatypus 39
So...is it FYL because grandma is having major medical issues? FYL because she used euphemisms instead of medical terminology? Or FYL because you’re a toddler who can’t handle that human beings you are related to have sexual organs that brought you into the world?
rpy13 13
My BIL is a surgeon who does reconstructive pelvic floor surgery, and yes, your uterus can really hang out of your body, like REALLY hang out, if you let it go on too long.
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Comments (5)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Be a good grandson, and make sure you're there when she wakes up post-surgery, with a big-ass bag of grapes, and a balloon congratulating her on the birth of her boy/girl, because sitcom tropes are always funny.
evilplatypus 39
So...is it FYL because grandma is having major medical issues? FYL because she used euphemisms instead of medical terminology? Or FYL because you’re a toddler who can’t handle that human beings you are related to have sexual organs that brought you into the world?
tipsyone 22
I reckon it’s cause OP didn’t want to have that rather pointless information
bullsonyourface 20
so you come from a normal family that discusses abnormal shit. I know how often my mom blows my dad, sooooo we all hear shit we wish we could burn out of our memory but this sounds more of an FML for your grandma, shit sounds horrible hope the surgery goes okay
rpy13 13
My BIL is a surgeon who does reconstructive pelvic floor surgery, and yes, your uterus can really hang out of your body, like REALLY hang out, if you let it go on too long.