jobless
France
Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
Anon
Canada
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
hjgjh
United States
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Anonymous
Excuses, excuses
Today, I saw a girl making out with presumably her boyfriend. This wouldn’t be a problem if she hadn’t told me she was asexual and didn’t like to be touched. The worst part is this isn’t even the first time this has happened to me. FML
Anonymous
Singapore
Newbie
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Boyufd
Show and tell
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
oops
Victoria, Canada
Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML
20month dry spell
Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML
shitfaced
Sassenheim, Netherlands
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Bill
United States
White lie
Today, a girl I like was taking her phone out of her pocket and two condoms fell out. Last week I'd tried hooking up with her and she'd said that she only has sex with a man who is her boyfriend. So I said, “Oh, new boyfriend, huh?” She said, “Nah it’s for hookups, gotta be prepared!” I guess she forgot she lied to me. FML
Anonymous
Netherlands
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Top comments
infantrygirl 0
Oh, shut up. If you can't stand to be with a girl who has morals, you don't deserve her.
popcorn_fml 0
it may be hard for some of you to believe but you CAN have a relationship without sex.
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Comments (162)
karee10 0
oh your soo cool number 50!! isn't that just exciting?!?!? ha
todo350 0
look at your pic. your obviously lying.
hawxfighter_fml 0
#50, hate to break it to you but ir gf's a wh0re.
flakes_fml 0
ydi for having a penis
XxFA1LxX 4
some girls take time. it took my gf a year to finally makeout with me, and a year and a half to get a bj. are relationship is great even though we dont have sex every night.
metalboxzes 0
I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 months and were taking it slow. I hate how people rush things... just ruins things later on.
wooters 1
#50 dude me too :0 but it was my last gf.. so hot shed do it in public if I asked her I bet ya.. horny thing..
Yourbetrayal 0
thats not bad at all!!! you are an asshole! your girlfriend is an amazing girl with morals!!! I dont think you should dump her cause if you have been with her for a year without having sex its becuase you have a good relationship! so... dont complain about that!
IPityTheFool 0
Dude that's weaksauce Ive been dating my gf for 1 month and i got a bj in the movie theaters while seeing the A-team and I got a hj so shaBam! btw I'm 14 also
BadPinkKitty07 0
all you 14 year old man-hos are gonna end up STD-infected and miserable for the rest of your life. but hey, some strangers on a website think you're badass and cool right now, so it's all good. some people are so stupid. stupid people should not reproduce. wear a condom, children. the future says thanks in advance. :)