jobless
France
Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anon
Canada
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
hjgjh
United States
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Anonymous
Excuses, excuses
Today, I saw a girl making out with presumably her boyfriend. This wouldn’t be a problem if she hadn’t told me she was asexual and didn’t like to be touched. The worst part is this isn’t even the first time this has happened to me. FML
Anonymous
Singapore
Newbie
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Boyufd
Show and tell
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
oops
Victoria, Canada
Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML
20month dry spell
Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML
shitfaced
Sassenheim, Netherlands
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Bill
United States
White lie
Today, a girl I like was taking her phone out of her pocket and two condoms fell out. Last week I'd tried hooking up with her and she'd said that she only has sex with a man who is her boyfriend. So I said, “Oh, new boyfriend, huh?” She said, “Nah it’s for hookups, gotta be prepared!” I guess she forgot she lied to me. FML
Anonymous
Netherlands
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Top comments
infantrygirl 0
Oh, shut up. If you can't stand to be with a girl who has morals, you don't deserve her.
popcorn_fml 0
it may be hard for some of you to believe but you CAN have a relationship without sex.
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Comments (162)
greenman_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
slip a rufy in her drink. the rest writes itself
mlipro 0
they should be called groundies, because your more likely to end up on the ground than the roof. :D
Fab0luZ 0
Haha The Hang over.!! Awesoomeeeee.!!! :]
ahairygorilluh 0
greenman is hilariousa
Cealinus 0
that's ******* dumb ever hear of rape.
cawtnay 0
you know all about that don't you greenman
BigCheezy73 2
Based on your pic, I'm sure that's your method of choice
jbomber95 4
If u look he's clearly not 23
Dr_Phil 0
Are you sure you're dating her?
infantrygirl 0
Oh, shut up. If you can't stand to be with a girl who has morals, you don't deserve her.
Yourbetrayal 0
i agree with you!
4dices 0
i agree with you ! A relashionship isnt about sex or touching each others .. Be happy that she is bit a ***** and i think that you dont deserve her . what do you want op , a girl who sleeps with everybody !??
gkings18 1
how about with him at least?
raesos91 26
be patient! taking things slow is actually pretty exciting.
kpohil 13
agreed teenagers will have sex but doesn't mean they should
EmDizzle2007 28
yep... the exact kind of dumbass comment I expected.
Rainbowsareshiny 0
okay, i don't care how many of you are girls and saying he should break up with her. sure..its a little strange, but you don't know what's causing her to wait. maybe it IS because you're not being a man, but if you try that and she still doesn't want to, it could be something a little more serious than she took an abstinence pledge. jeesh. assholes, I TELL YOU! hahahahaha but seriously, communication my friend. COMMUNICATION!
megaanlovesmusic 1
Agreed !! If you two have been dating for a year you should be capable of talking to each other about things like this :)
kpohil 13
or they could be 14 and thus she's just not ready to have a baby.
flossingpancake 18
Yeah or maybe they're kinda young and she's just waiting
Eir_fml 1
A girl I loved (and might be starting to again) isn't particularly religious, but she's still a virgin (she's a good friend of mine and has no reason to lie about this, nor can I easily remember anything she's lied about) and has been going out with her bf for 4 years now. I like her more because of it. Girls with morals aren't a bad thing.
lil_ham1644 29
Ok, yeah I waited until I was in love with my bf & then a little bit longer for sex (it was about a year). But eventually I just wasn't scared anymore & realized that by doing it, it made us that much closer & love each other even more because of sharing something so intimate. 4 years is a long time, in my opinion, especially if she isn't religious. It was a trust issue for me, not particularly "morals."
popcorn_fml 0
it may be hard for some of you to believe but you CAN have a relationship without sex.
dragonstrike94 8
What!?! Really ?
wubbazugg 5
Yeah.. If you're asexual.
lil_ham1644 29
But after a while, no matter what, people want their relationship to get to the next level (whatever that level may be). Eventually, the next level will be sex. It is a great way of showing how much you care for, love, & trust the other person. All these people saying you can have a relationship without sex might have a perfectly good relationship now, but eventually, someone will want to get to that next stage.
lalaney 14
Not unless you are asexual.
ughidgaf 0
lol so long as she's not doing it for anyone else, you're alright.
mizled 0
Well hopefully you aren't just dating her for sex, but if it bothers you so much talk to her. She isn't a mind reader. If you two want different things maybe you shouldn't date. END of story.
luvs2spooge 0
that wasnt too funny
l33tm0nk3y 0
Oh, poor baby, your girlfriend won't touch your member. There's more to love than just sex, stupid. And if it bothers you that much, the solution is simple: dump her and find a looser woman. Duh.
Gemma_Mansonite 20
I agree. Does he want a ****? Then he should find a ******* prostitute. OP's girlfriend can do much better than OP in my opinion