Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML
Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
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Top comments
bellakaykid 6
******* hide. Like now. O_O
Attica 20
Probably shouldn't promise what you can't deliver, next time... If there IS a next time.
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Comments (108)
mpsteve137 15
Knife one. Haha she's just bein a kid... I hope
NzaHaFML 13
Lock the door at night... or distract her with a Justin Bieber shrine.
StalkerChick 13
This kid sounds too hardcore too be a Bieber fan.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
1- good point, that's a pretty sharp observation! I'd take a stab at a few puns myself, but I don't think they'd cut it...
frottiejoy 7
i dont know of a normal kid who is that enthusiastic about something like that. lame pun btw
Arthurie 30
23 - I thought the whole point of a pun is to be lame?
lilhellian 27
43 It's to be 'punny.' On a serious note. No "normal" child is like that. I would carry a taser and seek mental help for her!!
tsent8 15
Forget taser hire the A-team!
graham11 14
Hide yo kids hide yo wife... Hide yo self hide yo knife
Akharr01 5
Almost every kid is like that now a days.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
A lot of young kids imagine killing "bad guys". Remember those days when you played cowboys and Indians or cops and robbers? It's just exciting for them. Who didn't want to be Dirty Harry when they were 10 years old?
Hockeyboy4280 18
105- Uhh, no.
nancyschmancy 9
Op, try honing in on your skills, puncture through her defenses. Just take a stab at it!
nancyschmancy 9
Damn, 19 had the stab one already. OK. Replace last line with " just hack away at it!"
dinorider_fml 4
Cut it out with all these puns
Link5794 18
I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for another pun. The tension is so thick that you could cut it with a butter knife. A big one.
decidedlyvague 11
"That's not a knife... Now that's a knife!"
starile 20
Cops and robbers? Cowboys and Indians? Who the hell is Dirty Harry? Your profile says you're 19 years old, but I'm thinking more like 79 years old. No kids play those games anymore, it's all video games and superheroes on TV. Growing up, we pretended to be Power Rangers.
bellakaykid 6
******* hide. Like now. O_O
chickenflem 8
Run bitch run!
wlddog 14
Killing her first is always an option. But not before she finishes cleaning her room.
thatgirlinoregon 21
...redrum...
Inheritance 10
She's a young Michael Myers in development.
rahulcool7 14
What if their is a new FML tomorrow and OP is like my little sister tried to kill me FML
hihome 7
Adding to 55- And hide your husband cuz shes killin' everybody out here
Attica 20
Probably shouldn't promise what you can't deliver, next time... If there IS a next time.
rhaemese 9
Goodbye op....
Osafune 19
If OP doesn't comment on this, I think we can assume she's been killed. I'll be checking the City of London news for an obituary.
ohSNAPyall 27
67 "Police have no leads. The crime scene had been thoroughly scrubbed before the body was discovered."
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Hopefully she WAS kidding..... If not, make sure you have a phone with you and lock your door. :P
tehcyberman 9
She probably was... kids are capable of humor, guys. Granted the fact that the one thing that motivated OP's sister was murder is a little unsettling, but it's highly unlikely that she will actually attempt to kill OP.
sadistmonkey 19
I wonder how many FML posters have later died as a result of what happened in their story...
onlychildFTW 34
I doubt she'll murder her sisters. She's a little 9 year old.
Brotha_Lou 5
Here's JOHNNY. Well since its a girl... U figure it out.
Riseagain16 7
well time to get a nice new panic.room!
TalkinSmack 6
I guess u will have to kill her first lol
DudeEvil 22
This ain't GTA!
MrPlopper 9
YES IT IS!!!!! sobs in the corner*
herpderpherpderp 13
marvellous idea.
illmatic2 16
That's not something a 9 year old should be joking about anyway.
kdog333 1
How do you know shes joking?...
Idaho4177 4
I agree, if your 9 year old is asking to kill you, you need to have a serious talk with her.
newbiehere99 6
Unless she's the seed of Chuckie O.o
neshag 2
No backsies!
copo37 7
Might wanna go to the kitchen and hide all the knives you can get a hold of. You could also go find a nice shovel or pick axe and when she comes for you with a knife, just hold up your gardening tool of choice and say, " are you sure you wanna play this game?"
wickedninja918 1
also sounds like it could happen in minecraft
tsent8 15
^^^^^^^^^^^^^ It's all the rage don't get left behind man! The bandwagon is leaving!
alissa222 15
Knives probably shouldn't be in reach of a child that young anyway, especially not the "big knife"
Link5794 18
How many people even own a pickaxe? I know I don't.
mas1995 12
Well, now you know she can't be trusted with sharp objects.