Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML
Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Wait until she wants the room all to herself . . . mwah-hah-hah! Whatever you do, don't lend her your knife.
DocBastard 40
She needs to switch to decaf. Or just change her from zombie movies to Sesame Street.
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Comments (98)
MateRicks 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Calm down she's three don't pretend like we all didn't do the same
LondonMunich 6
When she turns out to be a killer psychopath, I hope you feel wrong
MateRicks 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Are you telling me you never drowned an action man?
LondonMunich 6
Oh no, I was really ****** up, I am serving life in prison
MateRicks 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How are you on the Internet if you're in prison???????
LondonMunich 6
I get a window of an hour per day to use FML
MateRicks 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Haha I'm allowed as much as I want because I'm not in prison and I have this thing called wifi yay for me
MateRicks 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I have a question for you
MateRicks 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you're in prison how come on your profile it says you have the mobility badge
LondonMunich 6
Mobility badge? I am frequently transported between prisons as no one place can contain my absurd humour and silly antics
Welshite 40
*hands key to motel room* Make it quick, you two. I use that room as a temporary drug house.
MateRicks 18
Very funny... Just kidding
LondonMunich 6
That brings a whole new meaning to 'get a room.'
Zynris 10
Private messages were invented for a reason
DocBastard 40
*loads gun* *aims gun at LondonMunich and MateRicks* GET OUT. NOW. *waits for them to run*
mif_fml 27
You forgot *BANG* *BANG* There we go.
TheCanucklehead 22
This is the shittiest stretch of comments ever. One cat-lady (man) doesn't understand the other one isn't actually in jail. Probably why he accepts the drowning thing. The other one is just as bad. Not even Doc could perform surgery well enough to save this thread of garbage
Cheeley 17
I may have made my toys do battle when I was little, but I never drowned them.
\ 28
This is behavior I'd keep an eye on. It could evolve into something worse
LOVELIVELAUG 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
dont teach her those things please we have enough violence in t he world
Queensland 27
You don't know anything about these people! It'd be safe to say she didn't teach that because she wouldn't have a reason to write this. Wow, common sense is rare.
Cleu 12
#6 you just found out why world peace am still a long way away.
SolarFlare 20
nice work #32... besides, Jimi Hendrix (greatest rock musician ever lived and musical genius) said: the world will know peace when the power of love overcomes the love of power. THAT is the reason we dont have world peace.
kee_breezy32 34
#6, amen!
Obey_StudBoii 23
#2 RELAX! Chill out
tgabes 9
Oh god shut up
ShoyuSauceSoup 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It really is a scary situation, but I think it was just a joke. She's only 3 and she won't think this way when she grows older. Don't worry, OP.
NoMore_CoolNames 14
I couldn't talk until I was three..
hiddenUSERNAME 27
how's that even relevant
Cazz91 21
That's how everything starts out for a criminal in the making. Next thing you know, she will start torturing animals before killing them then upgrade to mankind later on in life, obviously. :P In all seriousness now, I would just monitor her behavior for now to determine if she needs to see a head doctor or not. I agree that it's probably just a phase with her toys though... hopefully.
Diegoba12 16
Head doctor? xD you mean psychologist or to therapy or something like that right?
perdix 31
Wait until she wants the room all to herself . . . mwah-hah-hah! Whatever you do, don't lend her your knife.
MateRicks 18
Haha great reference
thatnucca 36
And I hope OP doesn't also have any zits around her earlobes...
fallslikedominos 10
. .what?
mete_orito 34
Oh man, this comment made my day lol
darkfireflame 15
I see what you did there.
150493x 29
I hope she isn't pretending those toys are you. I'd sleep with one eye open.
Enslaved 38
"Gripping your pillow tight. Exit light Enter night"
DocBastard 40
She needs to switch to decaf. Or just change her from zombie movies to Sesame Street.
kunlunkid 3
Tell her she's part of a "ghost family" and encourage her to walk through a closed glass door to prove it. Problem solved!
Ari1337 15
and when she walks out unscathed, we call the priest right?
BradTheBrony 19
Priest? **** no, we need a NINJA priest. Not sure those exist, so somebody train Father Rodriguez in Ninjutsu.
trbuson 11
Who are you going to call? Ghostbusters!
Damned_Architect 25
OP's sister is quite articulate for a 3 year old, too bad that talent is being used for evil.
Wakachulak 22
Relax OP, all children are evil
Kruiser 16
Oh geez yah now I can relax.. Far better that all children are demons instead of just one :0
dramaelf 37
If everyone knew the twisted stuff that goes on in preschoolers' heads they'd be legitimately terrified.
nattynatters 14
Exactly. I used to quote one of Scars lines from Lion King with my toys, "You will never see the light of day again." I was a weird kid.
VeganVampyre 27
No kidding... I was watching my 5 and 3 year old sisters play house one day. The five year old was mommy and she was taking care of her little girl. It was cute until mommy had to go to work... And put the 3 year old in a corner, saying "you have to stay in jail now until I say you can come out!" Then she piled a barrier of toys around the corner so she was actually trapped in. That was when I got a bit scared and left the room.
noreallywhat 17
you just left your 3 year sister in a jail made out of toys?
Catkam623 27
So what I'm sure she'll get out eventually, no prison in the world can deal with a three year old for long