Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML
Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
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Top comments
bellakaykid 6
******* hide. Like now. O_O
Attica 20
Probably shouldn't promise what you can't deliver, next time... If there IS a next time.
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Comments (108)
iCake 13
Just give her a hug...
perdix 31
If she were a "total" psychopath, she'd use a butter knife so your death would be slow and delicious. She is just, in technical terms, a meanie.
pheebs314 17
A butter knife? Psh! That's too sharp... I would go for a spoon.
TrailblazerSS 5
I would love to see a 9 year old attack someone with a butter knife or a spoon. I'd punt them like a football.
BlowinChronic 18
88- Watch out, we've got a badass over here...
SystemofaBlink41 27
88- I punt little children for breakfast...
idgaf528 6
Have you never seen Pet Cemetery?! A little child no older than 4 goes around killing everyone!!! Given he is possessed... But still!!!!
Tempest559 12
Sounds like it's kill or be killed over there, better beat her to it. Nine years is a long time to be around anyway.
idgaf528 6
Beat her to it!! She can't kill you if you're already dead!!! ...oh..wait, nevermind that's probably not the best idea -_- -continue what you were doing
viper8608 9
i would vacatew the hose for a night. kids have short memory spans.
missmonkie 16
You obviously have never seen the investigation discovery channel. Children can kill.
madgrinchhatter 12
I'm pretty sure she's still messing with you
ryggsekk 8
l had the same convo with my sister when she was 11-9 Y/O, and after her empty threat, l told her l would ******* bash her skull open, scrape out her brains and shit in her skull. also one time when she was older she threatened me on knife-point. l took the knife out of her hand. snapped(acording to G-translate) her forehead, and told her if she ever threat me with a knife again, l would shoot her down with a revolvar(357) l don't take kindly to threats
BloodandIce 11
Umm, that's disturbing. Maybe get some help for that girl? And hide while you're at it.