Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he came up the stairs, "Stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the trash. We'll eat sandwiches. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
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Top comments
cndrow 0
Oh f*** that. Make him eat half-cooked rice/pasta for a few days- impact his bowels. Food is important to me, and my darling boyfriend slaves at cooking a variety of things for me as a treat sometimes, which is absolutely delicious and precious. You need to find someone who appreciates your talents, as you obviously cook with love.
harro1337 0
You should have let him seen all the tasty warm food but then given him a plate of sandwiches (crappy, cold ones at that). Then you eat all the food you made while he enjoys his half-assed P&J.
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Comments (72)
cndrow 0
Oh f*** that. Make him eat half-cooked rice/pasta for a few days- impact his bowels. Food is important to me, and my darling boyfriend slaves at cooking a variety of things for me as a treat sometimes, which is absolutely delicious and precious. You need to find someone who appreciates your talents, as you obviously cook with love.
MagnoliaFrog 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
why would you throw everything away you stupid bitch
Mace2040 1
because of how he mader her feel dumbass
weels6 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
wow. that is such a waste of food. who cares, he hasn't even tasted it yet
kei1108 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
1 & 37 - I agree!!'
gr8koolkat 6
If you agree just thumbs up both of their comments!
lewalrus 4
what an asshole
Rallred32 20
Does anyone else think of Ferris Bueller's Day off? "Pardon my French, but you're an asshole!"
11dibarig 0
u should have spit in his plate
mister_moops 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hahahaha
tifferneelee 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
you should learn how to cook
BMXbrett 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ha. I was going to say if it smells like shit I'd prefer a sandwich.
retoxified 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#1 sounds like she weighs 400 pounds.
Rach_star 0
LOL. You made my day
Ashleexx 0
jerk off !!
poptartsteeler98 0
You look like you need to shut the **** up
naku_fml 0
wow what a jerk. he should appreciate you more. if he doesnt then dump his ass
harro1337 0
You should have let him seen all the tasty warm food but then given him a plate of sandwiches (crappy, cold ones at that). Then you eat all the food you made while he enjoys his half-assed P&J.
emseeaich 0
hahhahahha yessss
Saiiyko 0
agreed. or throw the food at him. would have been childish but it would have been fun doing.
Ichiya 29
All I can think of is "He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times!"
JustPerfect1997 19
He had it coming! He had it coming! He only had himself to blame! If you'd have been there, If you'd have seen it, I betcha you would have done the same!
RedneckWoman1990 0
What a jackass.... You worked HARD on those dishes and if he comes home acting like that then he can make his own food. It doesn't matter if you are a wonderful cook or a horrible one- he shouldn't say something like that.
althemaster 16
Kill him in his sleep...
aznamqFAIL 2
truu